Chris: "Why is 'David' bigger than my name?"
Me: "There were three of them and one of you."
The distinctive presence of "inappropriate" renders the following especially hilarious:
THANK YOU EL FANO :-*
Apropos of nothing (both there and here), Basketbawful goes into inexplicable detail about most of the things that made The Marine my second favorite movie of 2006 (The Departed being the first). Read it.
I've been meaning to post this for like ever, since like weeks ago when I first blearily laid eyes upon this work of art one morning:
Hell yes my friend. Big as life or perhaps bigger than life if not pro-life right there on Third Avenue South. HUGE. I was sitting on the bus, right, just going to work, saw that and went
:-O
I found it online and showed it to Chris and he went
8-|
It's simply that damn good. Everything about this billboard is sheer genius, from the look on this dude's face
It's a kind of magic
to the SHOUTY KIDSCRIPT
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT ASSHOLE
to the implied whisper of shame
psst FYI
I don't know where these guys can go from here, no matter how many non sequitur combos they throw at me, such as
HI THERE!
Did you know I have fingers?
or
WHAT?!
Babies like breathing!
Believe it or not I just made those up (I know!!!) but I'm sure you'll find something close to identical somewhere along I-35. Anyway, I don't think they can top this one. It's a brilliant marriage of concept, message and execution. Not the kind of execution that executes babies, though. Gosh no!
The good people at Basketbawful know what time it is. Oh yes.
I really should have rounded up my reminiscences of media days past:
2006: Offending the laws of space and time
(I never DID follow up on my threat to further discuss this, did I?)
2005: Caesar bangs make baby Jesus cry
2004: I'm sorry, did I wake you?
I haven't seen any more new pictures for this year yet. I'm WAITING.
No, it's not self-referential.
I think she could have used a few more minutes to think things through.
The Internet finds me great things:
AL! One of my world's favorite people. Read this. It's awesome.
This is actually in print. With a crappy cover but oh well. OMG.
You mean this is actually finally going to come out someday? And it's CHEAP?!
Is it bad that I want all of these? It is, isn't it? OK, I'll stop now.
This is a cheat, I guess, since I already bulletined this up on MySpace, which is something I try to not do (both crosspost and post bulletins on MySpace, that is).
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Northeast Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak. | |
| The Inland North | |
| The South | |
| Philadelphia | |
| The Midland | |
| Boston | |
| The West | |
| North Central | |
| What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes | |
I saw my new favorite graffiti on the bus tonight, which read "fuck window advertising!" and filled me with joy and warmth. It's been bugging me about how ever since downtown Field's changed over to crappy Macy*s they just keep pasting ads up onto the huge display windows instead of actually putting displays in them. Why be able to see through glass when you can look at a big paste-up of a couple of ugly white people pretending to get excited about some stupid shit? So yes, "fuck window advertising,' indeed. Cub Foods, please stop making the LRT look like a giant hoagie. I'm watching you.
Have you seen the TheraFlu ad where the guy looks straight out of Carnival of Souls?! DUDE.
Two memorable, maybe even haunting, words by which to remember KSTP-TV anchor Cyndy Brucato's appearance at the opening night blowout for the art hotel Chambers: Glitter eyelashes.
Word is that she looked like a "Solid Gold" dancer. Some party guests wondered why Dionne Warwick wasn't on hand to introduce Brucato.
"Actually it was glitter eyeliner, which in hindsight may have been a mistake," Brucato said, laughing heartily Monday. "I thought nobody would notice."
For those who are unfamiliar with this legendary linebacker-slash-dragon lady, I apologize that I cannot find a picture of her that truly does her justice.
Anyway, I may need to love her now.
P-RUNWAY! I love P-Runway. These girls are so boring though, except the lantern-jawed Margit Carstensen who needs to stop showing me her ribcage (although can I have that black lace overlay dress she wore for the runway please) and then that dewy-skinned pixie lady who just looks so cute all the time it makes me sick. So many bitchy dudes! Yay! P.S. I hate all the dresses tonight. Is that one made out of truffles? Gross. P-RUNWAY!
If Ashanti says "hasta la vista (snap)" on my TV one more time I will throw it out the window. (No I won't. I know it will happen again.)
Ohhhh broseph, look at that. It is Christmas in July. It is USA Basketball practice time! So I rush home today, right, to find pictures of a certain professional athlete in his Team USA gear (I have my priorities) and what do I find? A blog, son!
I will admit after the first graf I kind of went Zzzzzz but I perked up instantly at "after 10 minutes, it was like 'Man,'" which is exactly the kind of musical storytelling magic I was anticipating.
I just pray that whoever the hater is at NBA.com will stop using that ancient jug-eared Caesar bangs picture already, because a part of me dies every time I look at it. Stop the madness.
I can do this one! It requires almost NO effort! It also probably requires me to be 15 years old, but whatever. Thank you, Scott.
1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the question.
4.) Don't be petty enough to cheat on something as ridiculous as an online "meme" determined completely by chance, please.
1.) How am I feeling today?
"The Village Green Preservation Society" by the Kinks
2.) Where will I get married?
"Always ... " by Claudia Brücken
3.) What is my best friend's theme song?
"New Brat in Town" by the Auteurs ... hahahaha
4.) What is/was high school like?
"Charading Chauffeurs in Wait" by Ennio Morricone
5.) What is the best thing about me?
"Lanternlight" by Peter & the Wolves
6.) How is today going to be?
"Lovin' Him Was Easier" by Arthur Lyman -- oh, my
7.) What is in store for this weekend?
"No Rainbows for Me" by Saint Etienne (I swear this is totally random)
8.) What song describes my parents?
"Time Out From the World" by Goldfrapp
9.) How is my life going?
"Naughty Boy" by Ron Rogers
10.) What song will they play at my funeral?
"Hi-Lili, Hi-Lo" by the Alan Price Set -- OMG
11.) How does the world see me?
"Green Typewriters I" by the Olivia Tremor Control
12.) What do my friends really think of me?
"Against the Sky" by Vashti Bunyan (that's DEEP, man)
13.) Do people secretly lust after me?
"Love Removal Machine" by the Cult -- ahahahahaha
14.) How can I make myself happy?
"Let's Do the Latin Hustle" by Klaus Wonderlich & His New Pop Organ Sound. YES.
15.) What should I do with my life?
"Roller Girl" by Anna Karina and Serge Gainsbourg (it's like I'm SAYING.)
16.) Will I ever have children?
"Tut, tut, tut, tut (Busy Signal)" by Gillian Hills
17.) What is some good advice?
"The Further I Slide" by Badly Drawn Boy
18.) What do I think my current theme song is?
"Writing Wrongs" by the Monkees
19.) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Point Me at the Sky" by Pink Floyd -- hahahaha
20.) What type of men/women do you like?
"Un jour comme un autre" by Brigitte Bardot
21.) Will you get married?
"Sunrise at Kowloon" by Les Baxter
22.) What should I do with my love life?
"Why Should I Cry Over You?" by Frank Sinatra ... well I'll be.
24.) Where will you live?
"Kino" by Cabaret Voltaire
25.) What will your dying words be?
"Another Satellite" by XTC. Whoa.
I'm a little frightened.
I really didn't!
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Stand Clear of the Closing Wednesday One-liners (Overheard in New York)
Way to go, NYT! And get that comma out of there while you're at it.
Love,
Kim
This is why I love the WOW Report:
Frankly, this movie, I'm Not There: Suppositions on a Film Concerning Bob Dylan, seems like another of [Todd Haynes'] pretentious and boring, overrated conceits that will stink up the screen but wow critics because critics always appreciate the sleep Haynes' films afford them in the midst of their hectic screening schedules. They can rant positively about his films because they've had delightful naps and may have actually dreamed another movie entirely.
I couldn't have said it better myself. Actually I have, but it's nice to be validated by others.
And that whole sleeping during screenings thing? Totally happened to me when I had to write up Velvet Goldmine. Prettiness and Ewanness aside, I still hated it!
Oh hi. So I got an e-mail yesterday from someone somewhere at the company where I used to work. I just wrote "sued to work," hahahaha. Anyway, that's as specific as I can get because other than recognizing the letters and the ".com" that follow the @ sign in the e-mail address, I have no clue where this came from. At all.
This is what it said:
Hey Kim,
Are you still available for some freelance copy editing / writing work?
And then a phone number.
THAT'S IT.
I don't know this person. I've never heard of this person. And the person left no identifying information in the e-mail, like ... what his title is? What department he works for? How he might have acquired my name and e-mail address? Who knows, maybe it's even a LADY. I don't know. There it is, you know about as much as I do.
Besides, "Hey Kim"??? "Hey Kim"?!?!?!? Hello, who are you. Do I know you. What is going on. Is this a joke. Were you raised in a covered wagon. Who do you think you're talking to. I'm probably old enough to be your mother. Etc.
THIS IS A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR MEDIA COMPANY, people. COMMUNICATIONS. Hello. Hi!
I'm gonna call that number later. It should be good for excitement and hilarity.
"I think [New York is] a fabulous city. But in my young, juvenile days, I was an idiot and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars, and New York isn't really the place you can do that." — Shaquille O'Neal
Merry Christmas! Late. I'm preoccupied because I start working tomorrow. I wasn't even planning on posting anything for a bit but I need to ask you a favor. Promise me that when the time comes, you won't ever let a graf like this get into my obituary. Please. I'm begging you.
I mean for Pete's sake.
Hi! Sup nerds. So Chris got a job and he starts on Monday. With that in mind we went and did KARAOKE since who knows when we will be able to do that again with any authority or Taste for Fun. What did I do?
I should have other things to talk about, and I do, but I don't right here. It's just one of those things. Oh! You know something, you should go read Scott Christ's The 2004 SC 100, which even if you don't watch or pay attention to wrestling ever, is still a very entertaining and enlightening read. Because honestly, who even writes anything intelligent about wrestling anymore? Practically no one other than Scott and Cubs. These guys, they mean it. They keep the fires burning and whatnot, and in an even more awesome way than REO Speedwagon.
The Kings are here. If not tonight, then later today. Oh man! My husband was talking me into letting him assist me in stalking a certain member of my favorite team. Which is adorable. But I can't take him up on it, because already tonight he demonstrated his majesty by taking me on a trip to Costco and buying me a) pills and b) booze. My two favorite things. And I'm not even exaggerating.
This is what we came home with.
Hahahahaha awesome.
The NBA schedule-maker did Kings center Brad Miller a solid. The team plays back-to-back Friday and Saturday nights in Minneapolis and Indianapolis, respectively, and then is idle until Tuesday night in Milwaukee. So Miller and Greg Ostertag - is there an outdoors program in need of a couple of 7-foot hosts? - plan to go hunting Sunday.
"We're off all day Sunday and there will be no cell phones," Miller said. "Yeah, I'm going to take Greg with me. Nobody is going to be able to find me unless they know."
(Sacramento Bee: Kings Notes)
15 Guys We'd Love to Smack: GQ's "emphatic 5-finger salute to the most scurrilous, scandalous, arrogant, over-exposed, most smackable men of the year." Oh the hilarity. Rocco DiSpirito, Vince (I call him that) Gallo, Mark Geragos, and one G.Y., a former co-worker in all his special, terrifying rosy-cheeked glory. Bill O'Reilly, Billy Crudup, Billy Corgan ... I guess they have something against guys named Bill? I don't even think Corgan actually did anything this year. But the best part is seeing G.Y. lumped in with the likes of Geragos and O'Reilly. I like to imagine he and Paul Hamm are off in their own little corner together, cowering and holding each other for warmth and protection from this cold, cold world.
Karaoke on the big money Thursday night? Why yes of course.
Also the other night I found an .avi of the time Shaq took a girly swing at the back of Brad Miller's head. Drop it like it's hot:
movie opens in new window
Our supermarket's in the news, check it out: Shooting Victims Dumped at Two Metro Grocery Stores (KSTP.com)
Other than that, I ain't got nuthin'. KINGS GRIZZLIES TONIGHT OOH YEAH
Polo crests. The deep-V-neck cardigan. GENERRA. This is truly the greatest thing I have seen in many weeks spent ... looking at things.
My friend Kevin recently cleaned out his wardrobe, which, due to his pack rat nature, was crammed with clothes he hadn't worn in more than a decade. Among the discarded were 25 sweaters that can generously be described as "hideous." ... Kevin's defense? "I worked at Marshalls in North Olmsted, Ohio, during high school and got a 15 percent discount. It was cold. It was the late '80s."
Why does Britney Spears keep trying to convince us of something we will never, ever believe, no matter how hard she tries?
How come the Associated Press can put up a graf like this, meanwhile I'm not working? At all?
Oh yes, working. Remember how I told you about how I was waiting on a job back here? And waiting and waiting? Well, I called and left a message that day (October 29) and I still haven't heard a thing. That was over a week ago. It's now been over two weeks since the woman emailed me to say she had work for me. Maybe if she got fired? I'd be willing to guess that, but usually people like that are the ones who keep their jobs forever and ever at that place.
I'm thisclose to going back to retail. I hate the general public and all, but I never dealt with anyone this stupid when I was working in a bookstore. Plus you get a sweet employee discount. DWR just opened up a branch in Minneapolis, you know.
[Brad Miller] was asked Tuesday in Fresno, where the Kings played the Lakers in an exhibition, about the perception of tension between him and [Chris] Webber.
Shaking his head, Miller was succinct.
"All I want to say is (expletive) that," he said. "(Expletive) them. (Expletive) everybody. That's (expletive)."
And so on: Chemistry woes? Miller swears it's not an issue (Sacramento Bee)
Haha, he SWEARS it's not. Get it? SWEARS? Ohohohoho. In other news, "Expletive everybody" might just become my new catchphrase.
