Chris: "Why is 'David' bigger than my name?"
Me: "There were three of them and one of you."
The distinctive presence of "inappropriate" renders the following especially hilarious:
THANK YOU EL FANO :-*
So how good were those tickets?
Um ... they were really good. Like that close to the action there, really good. Because I took that picture!
And this one
And this one
And this one
Those are not cropped, people. Those are, in fact, stone cold uncropped.
By the time we got around to buying those tickets, which were incidentally Row 3 VIP section behind the Kings bench (oh man), they were another $40 less each, right, and could we say no to that? No, truthfully and in actuality, we could not. On top of that the tickets were even better than I was expecting, and for $129.95 a pop I would be expecting a lot, even going into it knowing I would be able to hear Brad curse swears in person with mine own ears. Like once you fly first class you never want to fly coach again? This is how I must watch basketball from now on, every day. Seriously, I'd even go see the shitty Wolves play every other shitty team in the NBA with these seats. It was FUN. The Kings INEXPLICABLY (or explicably) LOST, but it was still fun.
Could this be a reason why it was fun?
Aw jeez. How many times did I say to Chris, "I can't stop staring at Brad. Is that awful?" and he's like "No! It's GREAT!"
He may have been a little sarcastic. Mike Bibby, on the other hand, knew better.
Yeah, yeah, taking too many pictures, I know. But if it's wrong to get excited about seeing your team (even if not especially when your team is battling for the ultimate dominant supremacy at the butt-ass bottom of the league), my God, I don't want to be right. I could have spent that $259.90 on hard drugs or psychotherapy (or giant sparkly earrings, MIKE BIBBY), I mean, come on!
Anyway, spending way too much money on really good seats to a Professional Sports Event? Totally worth it. Totally. Thank you, Minnesota Legislature, for bringing legalized scalping ticket brokering to our fair state!
I've been meaning to post this for like ever, since like weeks ago when I first blearily laid eyes upon this work of art one morning:
Hell yes my friend. Big as life or perhaps bigger than life if not pro-life right there on Third Avenue South. HUGE. I was sitting on the bus, right, just going to work, saw that and went
:-O
I found it online and showed it to Chris and he went
8-|
It's simply that damn good. Everything about this billboard is sheer genius, from the look on this dude's face
It's a kind of magic
to the SHOUTY KIDSCRIPT
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT ASSHOLE
to the implied whisper of shame
psst FYI
I don't know where these guys can go from here, no matter how many non sequitur combos they throw at me, such as
HI THERE!
Did you know I have fingers?
or
WHAT?!
Babies like breathing!
Believe it or not I just made those up (I know!!!) but I'm sure you'll find something close to identical somewhere along I-35. Anyway, I don't think they can top this one. It's a brilliant marriage of concept, message and execution. Not the kind of execution that executes babies, though. Gosh no!
The real tragedy of my working 11-hour days is not manifested in my general feelings of fed-upedness but in the fact that I have not, until now, been able to address what is truly one of the most remarkable and baffling sartorial developments of the modern age:
Yes. What you see up there is what it is. Really.
Respected academic Tom Feely IMed me with this information yesterday and I thought it must have been a hilarious joke. "Ha ha," I said, "this must be a hilarious joke." But then I realized it was so hilarious it had to be true, for Feely would not joke about such things, or at least not IM me out of nowhere to joke about them. Clearly this was serious as a heart attack and I needed to be warned.
So then I went to Sactown Royalty and SLAM Online for confirmation and I was like GAAAAAAAH.
While at first I believed he was in a new-season makeover competition with Sean Avery, the play by play experts in the clip below trace this development back to his winning a bet, which then naturally begs the question of what would have happened if he lost.
See the magic in motion!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like it's just on the top of his head, right? So he could put on a hat and cover it up for FRESH LOOKS both on court and off. For real! Someone should send that tip in to Blueprint.
You know something, I'm strangely getting used to it because I am just that sad and insane, but then I see Brad's official NBA mug was finally released and I get a little sad and wistful for what once was, largely because for some reason he's reminding me of Elliott Smith here. I dunno. Cross your eyes a little, you'll see it.
It's become abundantly clear that I need to rethink my categories. Thank you, Brad's hair, for motivating me.
Who cares about insurance? What I really want to know is WHO IS THAT WOMAN AND WHY IS SHE AT MY FUNERAL.
Clearly this woman has killed me to get to my husband and our vaguely Italian-looking child. Did she approve of his wearing a Minnesota Wild jersey to this sacred occasion? Apparently, just to spite me. WHORE.
No amount of life insurance will protect my family as long as this harlot is around. Thank you, AccuQuote, for providing me this chilly vision into the future. When I see this woman coming, I'll be ready.
IT BEGINS
Sacramento King Justin Williams, left, gives teammate Brad Miller a hard time about his unkempt hair Monday during media day at the Kings' practice facility. (SacBee)
MEDIA DAY
MEDIA DAY
MEDIA DAY
MEDIA DAY
I want pictures now. Now now now now NOW. Clearly Brad is taking his disheveledness game to new heights JUST FOR ME and I am incapable of waiting to feast my eyes on the results. IT'S WHAT I CRAVE.
It may also be that I have a horrible bacterial respiratory infection on top of a "really nasty" (quote my doctor) respiratory virus and am taking all kinds of crazy drugs I really shouldn't be taking. And still going to work. What? Exactly.
Oh Brad. Jesus be a center part. I beg.
EDIT: Oh. My. GOD.
HOLY MOLY. What the hell happened? Where am I? What is that? Wait, I know what that is. That is extraordinary!
All Brad lacks is a handlebar moustache, some pinstripes and a damsel in distress to chain to some train tracks. Or--OR!--a cowboy hat and a bank train to hijack. Yes. YES. This is on some insane Christian Bale making questionable yet fascinating choices for a role next-level action, frightening weight loss and all.
And did he shave a stripe across his chin? Seriously, I'm asking, because that's what it looks like. GENIUS.
Maybe it's the hard prescription drugs talking, but I am so proud of this guy. Oh man. I can't wait to see what's next.
It takes a great man to snap me out of four full months of hiding. Yeah you know it.
VLADE!
I have that jersey! The J-Will 2000-01 special, anyway. While I do have a Vlade jersey. It is not a Kings jersey. It is quite frankly the most badass jersey of them all:
Eee, look how skinny!
VLADE!
I'm just gonna keep posting pictures to make up for lost posting on this page. My nav needs to be on the RIGHT side of the page, people. One man in a cuddly sweater can make that happen:
VLADE!
This post is not a celebration of my everyday Vlade worship, that which consumes my life on an hourly basis, but rather a celebration of he whom no less than Chris Webber calls "the best man I have ever met" upon his official retirement and initiative launch to house refugees, adopt orphans, teach people to be awesome and Lord knows what else in the name of all that is good and great, including coaxing Scot Pollard out to Serbia to rock a crazy beard with his tux:
Humanitarna organizacija Divac
Može353 i ti (You Can Too)
Vlade Divac, Serbia's Gentle Giant
Divac Creates New Team
Divac's You Can Too NBA.com Photo Gallery
The Magic of Vlade as Told in More Photos at NBA.com
Dude, there's a VLADE MUSEUM. Are you shitting me?! I know where I'm heading after I get a passport.
Before I go, here is one last loving look at a great man with a great gift for greatness:
VLADE!
You're welcome.
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3002: ON THE MOVE
I planned an entire New Year's countdown post around this hair, it being one of the many reasons I had cause to celebrate, but then I couldn't think of any other reasons to celebrate. (Haha! KIDDING!)
But I dare you to look at this picture and deny the hot:
Maybe it's not much of a dare, but dang. I feel the logical next step would be a Ryan Gosling beard. Pray with me.
We stopped at a McDonald's on the way to Chicago this summer. We believe it was in Hammond, Wis.
I could see this from the street as we pulled in and I FLIPPED OUT. It continues to haunt me. I feel there are terrifying things going on offscreen. Even more terrifying than what you see here? YES.
Click the thumbnail for the full chilling effect.
Captured forever with the awe-inspring high definition of my slowly dying Sidekick II, tonight's sunset as seen from my bus stop:
It really was pretty, trust me.
I went to Chicago and saw Scritti Politti and it was great! I'm tired! I have to sleep! Bye!
But did she ask him about his hair?
Because seriously, I can't concentrate on anything else. It's a question that needs answering. That, young lady, is the foundation of good journalism.
(I LOVE how she looks completely judgmental and may quite possibly be sucking her teeth, though. "Nuh-uh. That is not working. Hmm-MMM. No, son.")
Perhaps you could say I've been distracted, or maybe even BUSY, or creatively bankrupt (I'd say you could certainly say that); or maybe I was sick (check) and then I had an anniversary (yay!) and also just whiling away the days until the arrival of NBA MEDIA DAY! a.k.a. Christmas in October.
Then, THEN, I'm presented with a hairstyle that is engineered only to offend the laws of space and time. Yes, Brad is a genius in his ability to find new ways to look confounding on media day. He truly outdid himself this year. And because his hair DEFIES EXPLANATION, guess what? I'll explain it later. Touché, Mr. Miller. Touché.
In the meantime, reminisce with me on the 2K5. (I'm also working on a special secret Media Day project.) (SHH! It's a secret.) (Also, by "working on" I mean "imagining in my mind," but it'll be worth it.) (I promise.) (If I ever do it.)
Hey look! VLADE!
I need to put this somewhere where I remember where it is.
Oh yes.
Beverage of the evening: Le Grand Noir Chardonnay-Viognier (highly recommended, especially if you can buy it at Costco)
I'm not doing a very good job of keeping this place up, am I? I'll tell some stories.
I have a new job, a good job, a job that pays, a job that satisfies my artistic needs. That means I am in smoothed-out mode for the most part and basically not caring about much of anything, which is I guess like being on drugs without having to take drugs. Whoo.
I went to see an ophthalmologist today and my eyes are like a zillion times worse than they were two years ago. Well maybe not a zillion times, but I got an interesting reaction when they put up my current prescription for my left eye and asked me to read the eye chart and I could only read the three-letter line. And even then I was mostly guessing.
Chris: "Don't you get headaches?" Oh, yeah.
Oh YEAH. And my brother had his big 40th birthday party and made bacon cheeseburgers on Krispy Kremes. You know what they're called.
They were shockingly not disgusting and actually quite delicious.
I mean, look at that. LOOK AT IT. How can something that pretty be so bad for you?
Honestly.
One day at my new job I get a message on my voice mail. I pick it up and it is one of those robot voice pager things. The voice said:
I left you a check on the dining room table. Great show last night.
Intriguing! I wish robots would leave me checks on dining room tables. I saved the phone number for grins. I'll have to actually try and look it up someday, when I'm not lazy and coasting.
A few days later I get on the bus to go home and the seat that looks most appealing to me turns out to have a half-empty bottle of diet Coke lying on it. I sit down and drop it in the seat in front of me.
Some guy gets on later and sits in the outside seat of that row, so as not to disturb the half-empty bottle of diet Coke on the inside seat. OK. That guy gets off the bus. A woman sitting in the row ahead of that one on the other side of the aisle gets up and swear to God pounces on the half-empty bottle of diet Coke, brings it back to her seat and proceeds to drink it.
Good show.
Great show!
I know I have things to catch up on, but all I really cared about over the last couple weeks is getting some posters framed.
OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD
DO THE DANCE MIKE BIBBY DO THE DANCE
I FINALLY SEE THE KINGS WIN ON MY TV
WHAT A NIGHT
AWESOME SHAREEF AWESOME
BRAD, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS YOU
BIBBY IS CLUTCH
VLADE!!!!!!!!!!!
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK LUKE WALTON FOR HIS TREMENDOUS CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE KINGS' WIN TONIGHT
THANK YOU KINGS
THANK YOU WORLD
THANK YOU
Dude, check it out! It's my biorhythm chart thingie. This is no joke, people. This is EXTREME REALNESS. So if you are likewise wondering why I'm completely crazy lately, apparently it is BECAUSE I AM. Woo.
Yeah you better watch it.
I'm scandalized and, quite possibly, traumatized.
See, this is a far preferable Brad image option, what with him sitting all gigantic in a tiny chair, bringing the knowledge to the young people. And the hat? It works and you know it. But oh, this is so wrong. Look how uncomfortable he is there. He knows I'm watching.
How could a new NBA season get started without me addressing the Brad on the Media Day? Some mysteries cannot be explained. Do you know how sick I am? SICK, people. I have an inhaler. AN INHALER. I should next get braces and an elastic band to keep my glasses on my head.
Also, I have no sick time left at work, which is FANTASTIC that I can sit there and sniff and cough and be a general nuisance all day long.
For that reason, the inhaler is excellent for possibly one reason and one reason only: the drama.
Person X: Kim, did you get that e-mail ...
Kim: [SHAKES INHALER WITH GUSTO]
Person X: ... about the project ...
Kim: [INHALES VIGOROUSLY]
Person X: ... that we need to complete today?
Kim: [EXHALES] I'm sorry. You were saying?
It's the accessory of the future. I highly recommend it.
I'm sorry. I was saying? Oh yes, MEDIA DAY. Puffy, bleary-eyed and wildly inappropriate, the Brad did not disappoint this year.
The chair picture. THE CHAIR PICTURE. It haunts me. Jane is so wise when she says the least the Kings could do is find a media day photographer who can manage to say, "Work it." There is no working here. When I said he looked like he'd just woken up in his pictures last year, clearly he set out to show me up. I've been shown, and I'm sorry.
"Oh no, that angle is inappropriate ... and I'm looking!" Jane again and right again. Plus the picture was bigger on kings.com. Much much bigger. Everything about that picture is ... inappropriate. And I'm looking!
Whew, this is better. While the "whisper to me words of wisdom, ball" pose is questionable, at least he looks a little angry about it. By the way, if you find the Olan Mills style of basketball portrait posing hilarious, may I direct you to the following outstandingly awesome images.
It's almost as if the Milwaukee Bucks' photographer said, "Please, for the love of God, don't work it."
I'd be remiss not to mention the headband once again masks the Caesar bangs. You say, "Oh no, not the Caesar bangs!" I say, sadly, oh yes.
Caesar bangs make Baby Jesus cry! He shaved his head for opening day, though, which is a grand relief. My silence was sending a message. Although it really was that I was just sick and lazy, but in my sick lazy head, I knew he knew I was watching.
Besides, that's an awesome Enrique Murciano Jr. smirk he's got going there, which can pretty much make up for any and all sartorial crimes. A remarkable effort. A+
You take your eyes off Scot Pollard for a summer, and he comes back as Jesus.
I'd like to see those creeps at Auburn Hills try to throw beers on him now.
Oh! It's the best time of year. Did you think it was that my anniversary is tomorrow? Oh! But it's NBA MEDIA DAY time.
Pictures slowly started creeping online today. It felt like Christmas morning.
First up: J-Will brings the HEAT. Oh my.
Thank goodness he's got Shaq around to keep him from doing this nonsense again.
I have the most superb picture of J-Will from his big signing meet the press day. I swear I meant to share all of this with you sooner, because he said some fantastic things at the press conference.
No Kings yet, though. I anxiously await to see how Brad Miller will work his bleary-eyed, hungover, ill-advised-facially-haired magic for the 2K5.
"I can only imagine ... and my imagination is amazing!"
It's been over 30 days since I've been here? Man that's terrible.
I was in Chicago. I took pictures in Chicago. I guess I'll take up some space with them. Yay!
Tonight I surpassed 20,000 songs on my iTunes and didn't even notice it. I'm tired. Through forensic analysis, It appears song #20,000 was "Non-Stop to Brazil" by Astrud Gilberto, from The Shadow of Your Smile (1964). Yay Astrud Gilberto.
I was all set to make a big post, but then I launched ecto and it told me there was an update, so I updated and lost all will to post. UNTIL NOW.
Basically, I'm excited because there's a new Saint Etienne single coming out, and it's here. It's great. It's all about courting death while you're walking home, which is fantastic. "Got cash in my pocket to last the weekend/ And I got features I quite like and don't mind keeping." Sarah's driving a white Mini in the video. It's like some kind of sign!
See, I decided the thing to keep me working is the promise that I might make enough money to buy a Mini. A pepper white Mini Cooper S with black stripes. That is my vision and my motivation.
Also, I have no idea if there's just crazy crime around here, or maybe I just notice it more because I have to deal with it at work on a daily basis. Living in NYC I guess I never paid it much mind, because if it wasn't like completely brutal, it didn't make the news and I never heard about it? Like I'd hear about the homeless dude who smacked people over the head with bricks, or the serial hypo stabbings, or when all those people got murdered at Wendy's and Primal Scream dedicated a song to them when they played at Hammerstein Ballroom.
But here, random fondlings? Bank robberies? Dudes on BMX bikes robbing people on their front lawns at gunpoint? That's everyday stuff everywhere and I think hmm, how strange. Then again, I actually have to pay attention to local crime every day now, so I suppose my views have become a little distorted.
Anyway, this ties into the new Saint Etienne song because I was just thinking about all the dangerous-walking-home scenarios in my life, like riding home on the subway and walking back to my apartment plastered at 4 a.m., alone, and the only time I ever felt threatened was that time the sidewalk was paved with rats like I'd walked into the Secret of NIMH.
I don't feel threatened around here, but should I be? I don't know. I probably should have constantly felt threatened when I was in New York, but when you take the M96 from First Avenue to Broadway in the middle of the night enough times, you begin to think you're immune to everything.
That's kind of what the song is about, I guess. OK. That's what I was trying to get to.
Anyway, this all becomes fascinating when you take into account that some woman got sexually assaulted last week in the middle of the day around Marquette and 8th Street, which is basically the Minneapolis equivalent of raping someone in the middle of Rockefeller Center in broad daylight. It's ludicrous.
Plus double plus, who wants to go near Marquette in the first place? Every other entryway is a frigging parking garage thruway. You will get mowed the F over. Also, the sidewalk is about three feet wide. Give me a break.
Now, what makes this SUPER hilarious is that Metro Transit, or the City, or whatever, decided they're starting this new "experiment" where they're no longer running buses on Nicollet Mall between 6:30 and 11 p.m. on weekdays! Which is perfect timing, you know, because I actually like to take the bus because a) I'm lazy and b) if I walk across town I'll end up buying more shoes at Saks Off Fifth~~~. But that's my own personal problem -- just think of all the hot fun criminal opportunities opening up for everyone else to contend with.
Oh wait, here's the explanation about the bus shutdown business:
It is a test -- designed at the request of the City of Minneapolis and the downtown business community -- to see if the heart of the city could become even more livable by shifting buses to other streets.
I'm supposed to get out of work at 6, but I usually don't, or CAN'T, therefore I'm not able to hop a crosstown bus by 6:30. Therefore my options, if I'm not walking, would be to bus crosstown on Hennepin or on Marquette. Hahaha what?
It's not as bad as all that really -- I just wanted to make that map.
I really should have put little danger skulls around Gaviidae and Marshall Field's, but that would have taken too much effort. (I'm not shopping at Neiman Marcus anymore. We have "issues". You know, "Not putting merchandise in the customer's bag after the customer pays for it" issues.)
Hey look! I made my post after all.
Did you know Crow II is running again? He's right here and he says hi.
We were just watching "Numbers," sorry, "NUMB3RS," from a couple of weeks back and Ethan Embry was on it and holy moly, what happened?
When did he get so ... beefy? And so BALD?! Crazy.
I'm at least hopeful his Drowning Pool facial hair was "for the role."
Oh my God!
Here it is ... again ... and it's called ... 1-2-
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000
You simply can't go wrong with the classics.
Where on earth (or elsewhere) this new move come from, though.
Whoa.
P.S. Kings 101, 76ers 99, hahahahaha woo.
And with the Chris Webber era, so goes my printer.
It's an Epson Stylus Color 600. I got it in 1998, before USB peripherals even existed. It still uses a parallel-to-USB cable. It's beige. It's big. It's ugly. It's freakishly loud. It's served me in four apartments in three states. My ceiling caved in on it once, and I still find plaster chunks in it from time to time, but it never completely wussed out on me ... until now.
I don't think there's ever even been a proper OSX driver for this thing, but I could always rely on the good graces of open source drivers. They're just not doing it anymore. The old thing prints, but ever soooo faintly. More often I just get "printer not responding' or "printer busy" errors. It hasn't cranked out anything remotely professional-looking in months -- my resumes came out looking like Designer Republic posters, and not in a good way -- but if you needed something printed out, it got the job done. Not anymore.
I had to print out a return label the other day and it took five tries and extreme contrast noodling in Photoshop to get the thing to look like something other than a big gray wash. Now I'm trying to get some name-change documents filled out and printed with a copy of my marriage license (I still have an active NYC bank account with actual cash in it, like I figured it would magically close itself and send me my money sometime in the last two years) but hahahaha, no. I could send these things to TDR and they'd proclaim me Graphic Designer of the Future. They're completely illegible and I can't keep wasting paper on stuff I can't use.
I probably would have gone ahead and splurged on a new printer ages ago but I love this crappy old mess. Look at all the stickers on it! You can't even see the secret hidden *NSYNC stickers on the inside. I've printed out glorious job resignation letters on this thing. Ten-page-long e-mails from the boyfriend who is now the husband. A letter to Eliot Spitzer ratting out my former place of employment for its illegal COBRA procedures. We've been through too much together. My heart can't let it go.
But being able to print things again, that'd be pretty nice. Sigh. I fear the time has come, and I must move on.
This doesn't just give me The Rage, this gives me The Rage: Carrie 2.
ESPN.com - NBA - Kings ready to end Webber era with 76ers deal:
The Sacramento Kings have completed a deal that will send Chris Webber to the Philadelphia 76ers, two league sources told ESPN Insider Chad Ford.
The Sixers would send Kenny Thomas, Corliss Williamson and Brian Skinner to the Kings in exchange for Webber, Matt Barnes and Michael Bradley.
I don't understand how, if Peja and Webber are having a problem, you get rid of the one who's actually producing, even if he only has one leg. And Matt Barnes?! You've gotta be kidding me?! He's practically awesome. I don't even know what reasoning they could give that could make me feel good about that.
Are there gonna be riots? I imagine there are gonna be riots.
Well, at least now C-Webb will be closer to J-O-D. Hahahahaha. Ohhh nonononono. :'(
For Good Times
and Great Oldies
... Oh Man This Sucks
Me on December 1, 2004: "When exactly did the whole Victorian/pioneer blouse come back in style? I anxiously await the return of boatneck sweaters with dolman sleeves and shoulder pads up to the ears."
Keira Knightley on January 22, 2005:
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Now that we're both working and flush with cash, obviously this is the vehicle by which we should enjoy the fruits of our labors.
This is your chance to own the house that former owner Terry Lewis, the Grammy-winning music producer who helped make Janet Jackson and others famous, built in 1993.
The house, which is on 82 feet of Lake Minnetonka shoreline, has 27-foot ceilings in some rooms. Its more than 25,000 square feet includes 13 bathrooms, two kitchens, nine fireplaces and an elevator, plus a movie theater, recording studio, hair salon, an indoor basketball court, grill room and swimming pool with sauna and spa.
Price: $12 million (startribune.com)
A hair salon? That's the deal-sealer right there.
Sup nerds!
It's been a while but I've been WORKING and also I've been liking working. Yeah I said it. Just wait until I start getting paid so I can blow it all on a Hermés Birkin bag. Being around my mom has made it unhealthy for me to be aware of consumer options regarding purses on a regular basis.
I went and did karaoke tonight and GUESS WHAT I DID.
I was going around trying to find a gratuitous glamour shot of Brad Miller in order to do what catchin' up and all the photos from the game tonight against the Knicks are like total open dunk shots. My God, they make it so easy.
Instead, how about this gratuitous smiley shot. That's what America, nay, the world needs right now. Smiley Brad. Without the crazy hillbilly biker moustache.
<-----------(crazy hillbilly biker moustache)
Hey look, Vlade's all cleared and suited up and throwing balls around.
He looks good! I mean like good-looking good. His playing sucked (so I hear).
Also, look how much this rules.
Go see it bigger for maximum appreciation: Aubernica (wizznutzz.com)
This isn't turning into a basketball blog, I'm sorry, I'm just not finding myself able to write anything about anything else at the moment.
OMG breaking news and an emergency installment of
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000
Our long national nightmare is over. Even though he now looks like a refugee from Hoosiers, it's a remarkable improvement. And while he didn't give a phenomenal performance or anything, the Grizzlies did manage to beat the division-leading Spurs tonight. COINCIDENCE?! I think not.
It's all because I was warming up to the hydro hair back here, obviously.
What was uglier, the Pacers/Pistons Brawl 4 All
or the Mavs uniforms designed by P. Diddy?
Oh ho ho I kid. OR DO I?! Anyway, never in my life have I seen such blatant disrespect for beverages and snack foods of all kinds. Poor Ron Artest. You could tell he was trying so, so hard to stay out of trouble, just like Gamera. And now I have infinite respect for Jermaine O'Neal after he completely flew out of nowhere and duh-ropped that guy who got onto the floor. Also entertaining was the studio commentary, where the prevailing attitude was that the fans were asking to get pounded on extra-hard ("Real men don't attack from behind! What a shameful display!") until they remembered to think of The Children, which meant, of course, that the fans deserved to get pounded on for behaving like chickeny girls in front of The Children. And you know, that's logic I can agree with.
BILL WALTON: 'I AM DEVASTATED'
Now there's nothing but "back ... and to the left" coverage on SportsCenter. Jeez, I reminisce about an NBA skirmish of old and look what happens.
All this got me so hopped up that I could barely concentrate on the big Kings/Grizzlies matchup I was PUMPED and GEEKED for. The game was fairly predictable in that the Kings blew a 16-point lead to a phenomenal degree, but then the Grizzlies inevitably collapsed deep into the fourth quarter to give the Kings a two-point win. So everyone was in their element, pretty much.
Brad had an uneventful night. Webber did the job for both of them. J-Will, he had a pretty good night. Oh wait, that means it's time to catch up with an ARCO Arena-sized edition of
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000
Honestly? I thought it looked good tonight. It's starting to look natural to me. Now where's my drink?
OK, so the Bulls were leading by one at the half and that made me cry a little, but I should not have feared, because the Kings are now 4-4! 4-4! .500 baby! What would Jesus do? Connect on six of ten from downtown, that's RIGHT, Mike Bibby! Tune in to ESPN on Friday when the Grizzlies meet the Kings! J-Will Hair Watch 3000 collides with the Gargantuan Foxiness of B-52! Caution, I sense SEXCAPADES may be afoot!
So tonight we did the karaoke. OMG what happened.
P.S., I have to be terribly proud of myself because I had blanked "Shiny Happy People" out of my mind so completely that I was left singing a totally backwards atonal version of it that had no resemblance to the original whatsoever because I could not remember it at all, and I was trying even. Of course afterward it all suddenly came rushing back to me so now I am cursed to have both my backwards atonal version and the actual version of it running through my head at all hours of the day. What was it, ten years without having that song polluting my consciousness? It was a good run.
Oh yes, my children. Kings are 3-4, two in a row over 1) creepy lizard man Steve Nash and the Suns and 2) the Nuggets (or the Nuggs, as they are known in this house for inexplicable reasons). It all turns around NOW!
Last night saw the triumphant return of Smiley Laugh-y Brad, and it was breathtaking. Although I do so enjoy About to Beat Somebody's Ass Brad. He has so much going for him. Oh! Also NBA-TV got around to finally showing his version of the League Pass commercial, where he's unconsciously rocking back and forth in his chair while he talks just like I do when I'm feeling especially autistic. I'll have to get that out of the DVR and into my computer one of these days. If they ever get around to showing it AGAIN, that is.
Also, how did the Grizzlies manage to blow a 21-point lead in the fourth quarter against the Sonics? Let's find out with the help of
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000
The bangs. My God, look at the bangs.
The Kings are now 1-4. I hate it. The Sonics game was brutal. I'd go as far as to say it was F-ing brutal. We kept watching it in the distant hope that Brad Miller would finally snap and beat the crap out of somebody, because there were plenty of people who were asking for it, but alas, it was not meant to be. It almost would have made up for the loss. Almost. It was fun hearing his cursey swears go over the air on ESPN, though.
But their spirit will never be broken. Excuse me while I go weep in the corner for a bit. I should look for good things to say, though. The game Tuesday night was really awesome! There, I said it.
Hey, guess who led his team to their first win of the season, over the Lakers of all people? Six assists, 17 points, that's right baby, it's time for
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000
Rrawrrr! Ooh! Feelin' it! While the overall effect was much greener on the TV, it's clear that his head is looking more and more like our dish-scrubbing brush with each passing day. Not even remotely sexsational. D-
Polo crests. The deep-V-neck cardigan. GENERRA. This is truly the greatest thing I have seen in many weeks spent ... looking at things.
My friend Kevin recently cleaned out his wardrobe, which, due to his pack rat nature, was crammed with clothes he hadn't worn in more than a decade. Among the discarded were 25 sweaters that can generously be described as "hideous." ... Kevin's defense? "I worked at Marshalls in North Olmsted, Ohio, during high school and got a 15 percent discount. It was cold. It was the late '80s."
Why does Britney Spears keep trying to convince us of something we will never, ever believe, no matter how hard she tries?
How come the Associated Press can put up a graf like this, meanwhile I'm not working? At all?
Oh yes, working. Remember how I told you about how I was waiting on a job back here? And waiting and waiting? Well, I called and left a message that day (October 29) and I still haven't heard a thing. That was over a week ago. It's now been over two weeks since the woman emailed me to say she had work for me. Maybe if she got fired? I'd be willing to guess that, but usually people like that are the ones who keep their jobs forever and ever at that place.
I'm thisclose to going back to retail. I hate the general public and all, but I never dealt with anyone this stupid when I was working in a bookstore. Plus you get a sweet employee discount. DWR just opened up a branch in Minneapolis, you know.
The Kings are off to a blazing 0-2 start after closing out the preseason with a delightful 2-6 record, their worst showing since 1994. I miss Vlade. It kills me. I watched the game tonight and it was like, Let's just give the Spurs 50 second-chance points! Yay! I then tuned in to Lakers/Jazz on the off chance that Vlade was there (nope, he's still injured) and goodness, people sure don't like that Kobe fellow.
I also caught a bit of Wizards/Grizzlies, which gave me an idea for an important new feature ...
J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000!
Hmm yes, it still terrifies. Michael Ruffin is actually holding a mirror there, see, which explains the look of horror. So that's what it looks like when I don't touch up my roots, he thinks. I must rectify this immediately.
In the meantime, give it up for my creepy hair. What what!
I need some work so's I can buy League Pass. They're giving me that free taste this week and I don't think I can live without it.
This revelation will only be relevant to three other people on the planet, but it is EARTHSHATTERING: James Hyde was a backup dancer for Dead or Alive (via Dustin's Passions Page). This is the most amazing thing ever. His association with "International Male" makes total perfect sense now.
Oh wait, wait wait wait! WAIT! So I went to see if maybe I could find that picture of him in his "plush lounger," right, and I find out that it even SAYS this on his International Male page. It was RIGHT THERE ALL ALONG. I need to bookmark that site finally for real.
Why this was never revealed to me before, I have no idea. I feel a fog is lifting.
EDIT: Of course it's not a "plush lounger," it's The Fleece Snuggler®. How could I forget?!
I should be paying more attention to the "Arrested Development" marathon than I am, since we really have no business dropping Real Money on the DVDs on Tuesday. I'm all about the Hot Cops.
This is a sick house. We're both sick, so sick. Sick sick sick. We haven't left the house for days. Combine this with the INSANE fresh paint fumes from the stairwell (the guy finally finished the job today) and it is a wonder we are not hallucinating faeries and gnomes running around the house. Well, I guess I'm only speaking for myself. But it's not like I can smell much of anything, yet I am experiencing an overwhelming chemical sensation in my respiratory extremities when I breathe. This must be what carbon monoxide poisoning is like. I wish we could open the windows and get some fresh air but hey guess what? It's 38º outside. And raining. I don't think asking for pneumonia is a good idea.
Tonight is the second Kings/Rockets game in China. The first one was fun, even if the Kings lost, but winning wasn't the point and all that. Plus if the Rockets lost, the crowd would have been so sad. And we don't want that. I hope I can manage to be awake when it's on.
This is all exciting news, I know. Eh. I got nothing, but holy crap, check out Brad Miller on a camel.
So yesterday, October 4, was our first anniversary. Yay!
We spent the weekend doing more work around the house and watching "The Office." I tried to not get sick, because it got really cold around here. I had to bring the plants in and everything. We turned the heat on. It was wacky. Now it's going to be, like, 80º tomorrow. What? Exactly.
So then, the anniversary. There was reminiscing. We got married in Minneapolis, and then we moved to Minneapolis? Crazy. I love it. It also means it's been a year since I've seen my friends. That's a different kind of crazy, but we'll fix that.
Oh! We had the most awesome dinner at Kikugawa. Apparently we got the same thing Hideki Matsui gets. Maybe he'll be there in a few days, har har. I drank a girly cocktail and then two bottles of hot sake. Then we came home and ate a tiny tiny bit of our wedding cake. It had been hiding out in my grandmother's freezer all this time. It held up surprisingly well — other than a little freezery taste to the buttercream, it was pretty darn good for year-old cake. I've tasted worse fresh ones. That's a weird-looking sentence.
Tonight I think we're actually going to fire up the "s'mores maker" we got as a wedding present. It's basically a pu-pu platter table Hibachi on a lazy Susan with fondue forks. (Sterno not included.) We've got all the fixings ready to go. Quick, before it's 80º again.
I love Christopher. He is the best. The best of the best. I'm very lucky. Lucky and happy.
Karaoke. MY GOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE.
Of course my brother easily took the gross-out title with his rendition of "Here Comes the Hotstepper," which was, quite simply, wrong and uncalled for.
Oh! Tonight was karaoke. WHAT ON EARTH DID I DO.
My brother did "Kashmir," it was flipping insane.
I'm terribly sleep deprived. I'm sure Mark Slaughter would recommend I get more sleep next time I attempt his most magnificent work of art. (And I'm going to do it again. Oh yeah. It was HOT.)
Just got back from KARAOKE! Here's what I did.
That's all, I need water and sleeping for tomorrow I do laundry.
How can anyone be sick all morning, yet still go out for a night of karaoke, drink a pitcher's worth of beer and get White Castles on the way home? Aw yeah. That's really a light evening for me, though, I'm on the road to recovery here. And I don't drive. Which reminds me, a kind gentleman gave me his Jägermeister shot at closing time since apparently he didn't think it was a good idea to drink it for the road. Syrupy! I still don't get "the deal" with that stuff, it doesn't really "work" on me. Although it does lead to quotation abuse, apparently.
Oh! But what did I sing?!
Also my husband did "Doll Parts," which was really quite magical.
Hey! We've been busy.
So we more or less moved in the first week of August, which means we've been here for like a month and a half, and as you can plainly see from the following photos, we've done a fabulous job of getting the place in ship-shape. Click to enlarge!
I just took those pictures tonight. I'm not kidding. So yeah, we've got some work to do. Check out the hot leaded glass window in my little baby office though.
But we've been busyyyyyy! Honest. If you get to Minnesota in the middle of fair season, you're going to be totally preoccupied. Someday I'll show you the pictures of foods beyond anything you have ever imagined. Guy Captain and the World of My Butt has got nothing on batter-coated, deep-fried bacon. Wait for it.
So the Mr. detailed our trip to Minnesota with great, uh, detail here, so if you are interested and haven't already read it, maybe you could read it! I really have nothing to add other than that when we got caught in that storm in Nebraska, I really thought we were going to be at the very least seriously injured. Nothing against Chris' driving ability, because he is a genius, but we were smack in the middle of like a 50-mile red zone and had no business being out of doors, let alone on a strange road! in the dark! in a car! attempting to go 65 mph! and anyway, you get the picture. If this weather had happened on the East Coast, I swear it would still be on the news. I thought I was gonna puuuuuuke.
Oh man, they're showing that Star Wars documentary on A&E again, over and over and over again, and they just showed the part where they froze Han Solo and man, when I saw that at the movies (The Brainerd Twin!) I just cried and cried. I really haven't seen these movies since I saw them at the movies. Maybe I should see them again, if we can figure out where Chris stashed the Laserdiscs. Oh man, they're finally putting out all three That's Entertainments on DVD so now I don't feel so special anymore for having the Laserdiscs. I'm getting off track? Oh yes!
So the thing is that the iPod is a really helpful tool in a long-distance travel situation, and you had better hope that you have a cassette player in your car, because the awesomest thing to do is just get a cassette adapter and hook it up to the iPod and voila, you have instant stereo hotness for the road. I don't trust those iTrip things or whatever, and besides, clearly all you need is the sweet 1986 technology. So yes, get you one of those. And then you can do fun things, like keep track of all the songs you play on your trip so you can put them in your blog later. Because it is very, very, very important to preserve such information.
This is what our trip looked like, then. I'd try to mess with the tab-spacing to make it a little clearer, but you know, you can figure it out. You know.
7/27/04 8:45 PM Tone Burst Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 8:48 PM Our Trinitone Blast Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 8:54 PM Pack Yr Romantic Mind Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 8:57 PM I'm Going Out of My Way Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:04 PM Golden Ball Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:09 PM Pause Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:27 PM Jenny Ondioline Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:32 PM Analogue Rock Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:38 PM Crest Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:41 PM Lock-Groove Lullaby Stereolab Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements
7/27/04 9:45 PM Who Loves the Sun Velvet Underground, the Loaded
At that point we were driving past ARCO Arena in Sacramento, so the lyrics, combined with my lingering Vlade pains, were oh so very apropos.
7/27/04 9:50 PM Sweet Jane Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 9:54 PM Rock and Roll Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 9:57 PM Cool It Down Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:03 PM New Age Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:06 PM Head Held High Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:08 PM Lonesome Cowboy Bill Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:13 PM I Found a Reason Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:16 PM Train Round the Bend Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:24 PM Oh! Sweet Nuthin' Velvet Underground, the Loaded
7/27/04 10:27 PM Sunday Morning Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 10:32 PM I'm Waiting for the Man Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 10:34 PM Femme Fatale Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 10:40 PM Venus in Furs Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 10:44 PM Run Run Run Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 10:50 PM All Tomorrow's Parties Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 10:57 PM Heroin Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 11:00 PM There She Goes Again Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 11:02 PM I'll Be Your Mirror Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 11:05 PM The Black Angel's Death Song Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
7/27/04 11:13 PM European Son Velvet Underground, the The Velvet Underground & Nico
This was when we crossed over into Nevada. All that singing along helped me get through the Donner Pass. Spoooooky
7/27/04 11:18 PM Dark & Long 7" Underworld Dark & Long
7/27/04 11:38 PM Thing in a Book Underworld Dark & Long
Here's where we stopped in Reno for the night and Chris proceeded to win $250. Yay
7/28/04 1:20 PM Spoon Deep Underworld Dark & Long
7/28/04 1:31 PM Dark Hard Underworld Dark & Long
Arby's? Delicious.
7/28/04 2:19 PM Dark Train Underworld Dark & Long
7/28/04 2:28 PM Burts Underworld Dark & Long
7/28/04 2:34 PM Silk Skin Paws Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 2:39 PM The Finest Drops Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 2:43 PM The Queen of Ur and the King of Um Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 2:47 PM Free Falling Divisions Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 2:51 PM It's a Boy Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 2:58 PM Boiling Boy Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:02 PM Kidney Bingos Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:05 PM Come Back in Two Halves Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:09 PM Follow the Locust Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:14 PM A Public Place Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:18 PM The Queen of Ur and the King of Um (Alternative Version) Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:25 PM Pieta Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:32 PM Over Theirs (Live) Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:40 PM Drill (Live) Wire A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
7/28/04 3:48 PM Metronomic Underground Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 3:53 PM Cybele's Reverie Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 3:57 PM Percolator Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:01 PM Les Yper-Sound Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:03 PM Spark Plug Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:09 PM OLV 26 Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:12 PM The Noise of Carpet Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:31 PM Tomorrow Is Already Here Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:36 PM Emperor Tomato Ketchup Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:39 PM Monstre Sacre Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:43 PM Motoroller Scalatron Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:47 PM Slow Fast Hazel Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:52 PM Anonymous Collective Stereolab Emperor Tomato Ketchup
7/28/04 4:57 PM The Word Girl (Flesh and Blood) Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:01 PM Small Talk Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:05 PM Absolute Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:10 PM A Little Knowledge Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:14 PM Don't Work That Hard Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:19 PM Perfect Way Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:22 PM Lover to Fall Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:27 PM Wood Beez (Pray Like Aretha Franklin) Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:31 PM Hypnotize Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:36 PM Flesh and Blood Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:43 PM Absolute (Version) Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:49 PM Wood Beez (Pray Like Aretha Franklin) (Version) Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 5:55 PM Hypnotize (Version) Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
7/28/04 6:00 PM One Plus One Is One Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:03 PM Easy Love Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:06 PM Summertime in Wintertime Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:10 PM This Is That New Song Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:15 PM Another Devil Dies Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:17 PM The Blossoms Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:22 PM Year of the Rat Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:26 PM Four Leaf Clover Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:28 PM Fewer Words Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:32 PM Logic of a Friend Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:35 PM Stockport Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:38 PM Life Turned Upside Down Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 6:43 PM Takes the Glory Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 7:09 PM Holy Grail Badly Drawn Boy One Plus One Is One
7/28/04 7:16 PM Medicine Show Big Audio Dynamite This Is Big Audio Dynamite
7/28/04 7:20 PM Sony Big Audio Dynamite This Is Big Audio Dynamite
7/28/04 7:26 PM E=MC2 Big Audio Dynamite This Is Big Audio Dynamite
7/28/04 7:31 PM The Bottom Line Big Audio Dynamite This Is Big Audio Dynamite
7/28/04 7:37 PM A Party Big Audio Dynamite This Is Big Audio Dyna
