Just the right sound

WHAT?! No more CD101.9?! I don't even know what to believe in anymore, if they can just overnight turn New York's Home for Smooth Jazz into The New York Rock Experience. Rock "Experience"? Really? There's money in rock radio now? Reeeally. Maybe whatever Marketing Genius™ is behind that should just give me all their money instead, as I would indeed put it to much better use on important things such as coffee and bus passes.

I guess this is what the world needs to give up in order to get CBS-FM back, if in diluted form, after that horrible ROCK EXPERIENCE that we all have to endure if we are in a CBS/Viacom radio market. I miss hearing the Association and the Foundations every hour on the hour. I need that kind of consistency in my life.

Seriously, though, CD101.9 is dearly important to me. My old roommate played it all the time. All day long. All the time. All the time. I'm not exaggerating, there was a boom box in the kitchen that was on and set to CD101.9 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all the time, all the time. All the time. Al Jarreau. Stanley Jordan. Spyro Gyra. David Sandborn. All the time. All the time. For what it's worth, I suppose it's on a permanent loop in my head so I wouldn't need it anyway (7 years of that, people, 7 years!!!) but it's the principle of the thing. FOWAD, 2 Columbus Circle, are any cornerstones of my city left? (Honest, I just took a Google Street View tour of my old neighborhood and freaked myself the F out.)

So could we all

Jeez, like I'm not already sad enough as it is.

I like things that are great

So I'm not watching this show tonight. I'm sick and the longer I keep these dipsticks out of my life, the faster I will feel better. Come back tomorrow! By which I mean the next day, since I'm always late from class. But it's already the next day? Oh, then Thursday morning-ish. Or whatever. I'll catch up.

Hope it isn't late, got to be there by nine

This test lies. How am I extroverted? How?! Oh wait, I guess they mean extraverted. Haw haw.

Seriously. What?

Borefest - ISTJ

20% Extraversion, 46% Intuition, 73% Thinking, 60% Judging

One word. Boring. Sums you up to a tee. You're responsible, trustworthy, serious and down to earth. Boring. Boring. Boring.

You play by the rules. You follow tradition. You encourage structure.

You insist that EVERYBODY do EVERYTHING by the book. Seriously, is there even an ounce of imagination in that little brain of yours? I mean, what's the point of imagination, right? It has no practical value...

As far as you're concerned, abstract theories can go screw themselves. You just want the facts, all the facts and nothing but the facts.

Oh. And you're a perfectionist. About everything. You know that the previous sentence was gramattically incorrect and that "gramattically" was spelt wrong. Your financial records are correct to 25 decimal places and your bedroom is in pristine condition. In fact, you even don't sleep on your bed anymore for fear that you might crease the sheets.

Thankfully, you don't have anyone else to share the bed with, because you're uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. Too bad.

*****************

If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.

*****************

The other personality types are as follows...
Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving

Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving

Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging

Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Black plastic deaf dumb and blind

I love my Sidekick II but it's been misbehaving for the last month. It keeps losing its signal until the day I say I'm finally going to take it in to the store, and then it behaves itself. Then I ask the dude if this is some kind of nefarious plan to get me to buy a Sidekick III and he swears no.

I LOVE my Sidekick II. I haven't even had it for year yet because I bought it to copy Jane. Well actually that after I saw hers in person and operational I was like whoa, I want one. So I was a big lame copier, but also that we don't live in the same place anymore :'( so that made it less lame. I think.

But I looooooove my Sideckick II. I don't want to get a Sidekick III because they're only updated in ways I don't need, and they're not all bulky and huge which I LIKE, and plus mine is all nice and chipped up and broken in, now I'm afraid quite literally so. I can't even justify getting one for the limited edition versions that just came out because the limited edition ones quite frankly suck.

So what happened today is my bottle of eyeglass cleaner popped open and totally soaked the LCD screen of my Sidekick II and it looks like some kind of 3D lenticular rendering of a Robert Motherwell Elegy which is kinda awesome but at the same time does not lend itself well to the cellular phone and messaging device experience.

I'll see if the hair dryer helps it but if not it'll be my least durable cell phone ever. It's only the third phone I've ever had in eight years. But it's also the only phone I've ever used nearly every single day I've had it, so I guess that counts for something.

Now if I get a new one and THAT one keeps dropping a signal, I'll be oooooooh I will be so heated.

Now more than ever

If we make it, we can all sit back and laugh

Dude, check it out! It's my biorhythm chart thingie. This is no joke, people. This is EXTREME REALNESS. So if you are likewise wondering why I'm completely crazy lately, apparently it is BECAUSE I AM. Woo.

Yeah you better watch it.

Ba Da Ba Ba Ba

My job made me a little angry today so now I am having my second big giant bloody Mary with a Grain Belt back. I'm apparently being moved into a bad shift on one bad day a week because apparently the person who was doing it was doing a crappy job. What? See, I don't understand why I have to be punished because someone else can't do their job. Can you explain that to me? Because I really don't understand it.

I keep saying I should really be grateful because it could be much worse, I could be working for (name any other company I've worked for) but seriously don't put me in this position. And don't make me walk out of my boss' office on the last line, "How do you like them apples, (Name of Boss)" because that's exactly what I did today. Dammit YOU TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER.

Maybe I should talk about things I love!

• My Christophahhh
  
• The Girls, especially the Girls coming to visit us
  
• Sloan, especially Sloan coming to visit us
  
• My new original fashion illustration for an early '60s Sunday newspaper ad for Harold, Inc. -- it is now hanging over my computer and is seriously unbelievably badass
  
• My two new pairs of giant retarded sunglasses
  
• Getting my leg shot full of steroids ... wait no, I hated that
  
• I did totally feel like Superwoman afterward, though, so I guess now I understand why people take steroids
  
• Kiehl's "Pour Homme" ... oh my God, seriously, why has it taken me so long to discover this magic
  
• Terence Stamp
  
• Carroll Baker
  
• The Best of Everything ... seriously the best book ever written about working in publishing
  
• The Rubble Collection Vols. 1 - 20
  
• This one song by the Railway Children which I have become indescribably obsessed with
  
• Jimi Goodwin's enormous rock and roll beard
  
• Having two iPods because one always seems to have a dead battery before work
  
• Public transportation
  
• Chanel mascara
  
• The National Enquirer
  
• Bloody Marys
  
• That TGI Friday's orange freezee stuff with vodka in it that you put in a blender and it tastes like St. Joseph's children's aspirin except as a frozen drink with booze in it
  
• William Petersen
  
• Mommie Dearest, especially " ... Jesus Christ," my new mantra
  
• Bonzi Wells on the Sacramento Kings ... how could I forget that?!
  
• My new Ponys that I got on super-sale a.k.a. the cutest ever

See, I love a lot of things. Lots of things are lovable.

Eh.

I rifle all your pockets for forgotten change

There's a record store in town where I used to go in high school all the time to get all my jangly alternative rock records and whatnot. I remember going there one time and buying the soundtrack to The Magic Christian instead of Stump's A Fierce Pancake and many years later I would look back on that like it was a mistake! Because I really wanted that Stump record, oh man. I found it eventually on GEMM. Real cheap too!

ANYWAY.

When I moved back here, I ended up working on the other end of the block from the record store, so just like when I used to work across the street from Sephora, this was a Sexy Shopping Danger. I liked to go in there and spend money.

ANYWAY.

The building is being torn down (condos!!!) and the store is going out of business.

This makes me sad!

I mean it's not like I went there for the 15 years I was not living in Minneapolis or anything, and it's not even in the same building I used to go to, but I have memories. And now, the store has discounts.

I went in today and spent more money on records than I have in a zillion zillion years. I mean I don't even know if I've spent this much at one time ever. (I think I have.) But there were so many great things in there I waaaaaanted and figured oh hey, I don't have to spend top dollar on them or anything and I am helping to fund the store owner's retirement and yay.

What I didn't know was that Ze Records was BACK, and that it reissued a bunch of Cristina stuff last year. No idea! I even have Sleep It Off on a real actual record and have had it for a long time unlike all them HIPSTERS. But this other stuff, I don't think I've ever even seen it.

So that was exciting.

Then I go to the Ze site to get the art and discover that they will be reissuing the LIO CATALOG! and I got extra excited.

Maybe this will turn into Kenneth Anger/Fantoma II, but I have faith. They did a good job on these Cristina reissues, I have to say.

So there's sad music news and glad music news.

The store is also silent-auctioning off its memorabilia on the walls and stuff, so I put in a bid on a poster. Not even an old poster or anything, and in fact I already have a poster for this album, but I've admired it since I've been back and I figured it'd be nice to have a little something something from the store that doesn't go WAY back to ages ago, like I don't think I really deserve that.

They also had this awesome Reprise record label clock up behind the counter, but I think that's gone already. Oh well.

I need to take pictures of the building before it gets torn down because it has some cool original signage and paintage and, you know, that'll be toast soon enough.

Sitting around keeping score

Tonight I surpassed 20,000 songs on my iTunes and didn't even notice it. I'm tired. Through forensic analysis, It appears song #20,000 was "Non-Stop to Brazil" by Astrud Gilberto, from The Shadow of Your Smile (1964). Yay Astrud Gilberto.

I was all set to make a big post, but then I launched ecto and it told me there was an update, so I updated and lost all will to post. UNTIL NOW.

Basically, I'm excited because there's a new Saint Etienne single coming out, and it's here. It's great. It's all about courting death while you're walking home, which is fantastic. "Got cash in my pocket to last the weekend/ And I got features I quite like and don't mind keeping." Sarah's driving a white Mini in the video. It's like some kind of sign!

See, I decided the thing to keep me working is the promise that I might make enough money to buy a Mini. A pepper white Mini Cooper S with black stripes. That is my vision and my motivation.

Also, I have no idea if there's just crazy crime around here, or maybe I just notice it more because I have to deal with it at work on a daily basis. Living in NYC I guess I never paid it much mind, because if it wasn't like completely brutal, it didn't make the news and I never heard about it? Like I'd hear about the homeless dude who smacked people over the head with bricks, or the serial hypo stabbings, or when all those people got murdered at Wendy's and Primal Scream dedicated a song to them when they played at Hammerstein Ballroom.

But here, random fondlings? Bank robberies? Dudes on BMX bikes robbing people on their front lawns at gunpoint? That's everyday stuff everywhere and I think hmm, how strange. Then again, I actually have to pay attention to local crime every day now, so I suppose my views have become a little distorted.

Anyway, this ties into the new Saint Etienne song because I was just thinking about all the dangerous-walking-home scenarios in my life, like riding home on the subway and walking back to my apartment plastered at 4 a.m., alone, and the only time I ever felt threatened was that time the sidewalk was paved with rats like I'd walked into the Secret of NIMH.

I don't feel threatened around here, but should I be? I don't know. I probably should have constantly felt threatened when I was in New York, but when you take the M96 from First Avenue to Broadway in the middle of the night enough times, you begin to think you're immune to everything.

That's kind of what the song is about, I guess. OK. That's what I was trying to get to.

Anyway, this all becomes fascinating when you take into account that some woman got sexually assaulted last week in the middle of the day around Marquette and 8th Street, which is basically the Minneapolis equivalent of raping someone in the middle of Rockefeller Center in broad daylight. It's ludicrous.

Plus double plus, who wants to go near Marquette in the first place? Every other entryway is a frigging parking garage thruway. You will get mowed the F over. Also, the sidewalk is about three feet wide. Give me a break.

Now, what makes this SUPER hilarious is that Metro Transit, or the City, or whatever, decided they're starting this new "experiment" where they're no longer running buses on Nicollet Mall between 6:30 and 11 p.m. on weekdays! Which is perfect timing, you know, because I actually like to take the bus because a) I'm lazy and b) if I walk across town I'll end up buying more shoes at Saks Off Fifth~~~. But that's my own personal problem -- just think of all the hot fun criminal opportunities opening up for everyone else to contend with.

Oh wait, here's the explanation about the bus shutdown business:

It is a test -- designed at the request of the City of Minneapolis and the downtown business community -- to see if the heart of the city could become even more livable by shifting buses to other streets.

I'm supposed to get out of work at 6, but I usually don't, or CAN'T, therefore I'm not able to hop a crosstown bus by 6:30. Therefore my options, if I'm not walking, would be to bus crosstown on Hennepin or on Marquette. Hahaha what?

It's not as bad as all that really -- I just wanted to make that map.

I really should have put little danger skulls around Gaviidae and Marshall Field's, but that would have taken too much effort. (I'm not shopping at Neiman Marcus anymore. We have "issues". You know, "Not putting merchandise in the customer's bag after the customer pays for it" issues.)

Hey look! I made my post after all.

Did you know Crow II is running again? He's right here and he says hi.

The fire still burns

How much do you want to bet Fred Durst wrote his crappy "Revelations" dialogue himself.

P.S. KARE 11, way to go Einsteins for showing all those cop killings on the day the entire metro shuts down for a policeman's funeral. Shame shame shame shame shame!

It was ________ while it lasted

The evening of the day

Way to go, NYT! And get that comma out of there while you're at it.

Love,
Kim

Mother Kusters Goes to Heaven

R.I.P. Brigitte Mira. I can't read German either, but I can't find an obit for her in English yet.

Apparently there's one on Variety, which I can't read without a subscription and besides, it's for someone named "Brigitta Mira." Way to go Einstein!

Wait, here's one in English. That just might become my new favorite site.

Anyway, she was an awesome lady. I hope someone puts out Like a Bird on a Wire someday.

This kind of love don't last forever

You can take Mario Vasquezberlake out of "Idol," you can dump Christina Applegate from "Sweet Charity," but oh no, you mustn't do this.

SACRAMENTO, CA -- Sacramento Kings center Brad Miller suffered a non-displaced fracture of his left fibula Saturday. The fracture was confirmed by x-rays taken at the UC Davis Medical Center. The injury took place while Miller was going through light shooting drills during practice. It is expected to take approximately four to six weeks for the bone to heal. (kings.com)

In Big B parlance, "My heart is broke."

:'(

Turn your back forever on what you mean to me

Whoa.

P.S. Kings 101, 76ers 99, hahahahaha woo.

Don't think sorry's easily said

This doesn't just give me The Rage, this gives me The Rage: Carrie 2.

ESPN.com - NBA - Kings ready to end Webber era with 76ers deal:

The Sixers would send Kenny Thomas, Corliss Williamson and Brian Skinner to the Kings in exchange for Webber, Matt Barnes and Michael Bradley.

I don't understand how, if Peja and Webber are having a problem, you get rid of the one who's actually producing, even if he only has one leg. And Matt Barnes?! You've gotta be kidding me?! He's practically awesome. I don't even know what reasoning they could give that could make me feel good about that.

Are there gonna be riots? I imagine there are gonna be riots.

Well, at least now C-Webb will be closer to J-O-D. Hahahahaha. Ohhh nonononono. :'(

For Good Times

and Great Oldies

... Oh Man This Sucks

I opened and read it, it said they were suckers

Oh hi. So I got an e-mail yesterday from someone somewhere at the company where I used to work. I just wrote "sued to work," hahahaha. Anyway, that's as specific as I can get because other than recognizing the letters and the ".com" that follow the @ sign in the e-mail address, I have no clue where this came from. At all.

This is what it said:

Hey Kim,
Are you still available for some freelance copy editing / writing work?

And then a phone number.

THAT'S IT.

I don't know this person. I've never heard of this person. And the person left no identifying information in the e-mail, like ... what his title is? What department he works for? How he might have acquired my name and e-mail address? Who knows, maybe it's even a LADY. I don't know. There it is, you know about as much as I do.

Besides, "Hey Kim"??? "Hey Kim"?!?!?!? Hello, who are you. Do I know you. What is going on. Is this a joke. Were you raised in a covered wagon. Who do you think you're talking to. I'm probably old enough to be your mother. Etc.

THIS IS A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR MEDIA COMPANY, people. COMMUNICATIONS. Hello. Hi!

I'm gonna call that number later. It should be good for excitement and hilarity.

It begins

Me on December 1, 2004: "When exactly did the whole Victorian/pioneer blouse come back in style? I anxiously await the return of boatneck sweaters with dolman sleeves and shoulder pads up to the ears."

Keira Knightley on January 22, 2005:

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Sometimes it's better to keep your big mouth shut

Merry Christmas! Late. I'm preoccupied because I start working tomorrow. I wasn't even planning on posting anything for a bit but I need to ask you a favor. Promise me that when the time comes, you won't ever let a graf like this get into my obituary. Please. I'm begging you.

I mean for Pete's sake.

Daily Private Lives

How sad is it that "Passions" finally gets a real Alistair Crane and he dies. On Thanksgiving even. He's only been on since September! He seemed like a cool dude and I feel :(

I was all ready to finally complain about how the show is now somehow all about people over 50, but I must defer out of respect. I'm not one to cross Alistair Crane.

This show is cursed.

So beyond me

Why does Britney Spears keep trying to convince us of something we will never, ever believe, no matter how hard she tries?

How come the Associated Press can put up a graf like this, meanwhile I'm not working? At all?

Oh yes, working. Remember how I told you about how I was waiting on a job back here? And waiting and waiting? Well, I called and left a message that day (October 29) and I still haven't heard a thing. That was over a week ago. It's now been over two weeks since the woman emailed me to say she had work for me. Maybe if she got fired? I'd be willing to guess that, but usually people like that are the ones who keep their jobs forever and ever at that place.

I'm thisclose to going back to retail. I hate the general public and all, but I never dealt with anyone this stupid when I was working in a bookstore. Plus you get a sweet employee discount. DWR just opened up a branch in Minneapolis, you know.

Truly a sad day for America

Who you talking to?

So old Josho was a mere stone's throw away from us yesterday doing that swing state celebrity crap. Someone must have realized that this particular hometown boy is a far more appealing spokesmodel than Captain Overexposed Ashton K, who was here last week being ANNOYING. "I'm a celebrity ... DO WHAT I SAY. I'M AWESOME." Whatever dude. Anyway, I could have seen Josh's chocolate milk moustache up close and in person. Look at that thing, it's ludicrous. Although I have to respect him for continuing to wear it for so long when it is so disgusting. He looks like an emaciated, 14-year-old Tom Skerritt. Or my uncle Paul circa 1972. It is not cute. But it truly makes him a Real Minnesotan, and I give him the thumbs up for that.

A certain organization with the initials ACT auto-called us yesterday and instructed us to report to the wrong polling place. This continues to fill me with an intense rage. The kind of rage that forces me to continue to eat leftover Halloween candy. Should I report them? Probably. I'll figure out how to do that eventually. I mean, idiots. IDIOTS. I'm completely infuriated. It's the kind of thing that makes me want to vote for Bush out of spite. (But I'm not going to.) (OR AM I?!?) (No I'm not.) Honestly. I'd be interested to know what other registered third-party households ACT is doing this to, you know? Can they even comprehend the gravity of what they're doing? Can I punch one of them in the throat? IDIOTS.

OK. I am going to back up and focus on that retarded moustache. It somehow gives me peace.

When you're feeling like a part of you is dying

Vlade on media day, October 4, my anniversary, which was clearly weighing heavily on his mind. (Click to enlarge.)

Good lord, he looks different!!! He looks ... "refreshed." Did he get something done? I find it hard to believe he'd do something like that. Not my Vlade. What is L.A. doing to you? You get back here. Shame, shame, shame.
To help me feel better I found this hot picture, even though it's a flashback to the day he STABBED ME almost to DEATH with his DISLOYALTY.

What a male model. A dream machine. Sigh.

Platinum is best served cold

J-Will, honey, what on earth were you thinking?

That was taken on Monday at the Grizzlies' media day. The man needs to rethink that decision. Immediately. Even an ironic Eminem makeover is unacceptable. If not more so. Still, this is one of those rare times when "meaning it" does not necessarily make it better.

See? Even he knows I'm right.

And you sip your Napoleon brandy

I should be asleep right now but I just had to point out

PARIS (Reuters) — French crooner Sacha Distel, whose seductive good looks won him legions of female fans around the world, died Thursday, his record company said. He was 71.

Although the cause of death was not immediately known, the singer was hit by thyroid cancer in 1970 and skin cancer a decade later.

His version of "The Sunshine of My Life" with Brigitte Bardot is forever a mixtape favorite. Holy moly, what a suave dude. Also, R.I.P. Jerry Goldsmith! The Omen, man, The Omen.

I really need to get some sleep.

You're a heartbreaker

The man who had trouble communicating in English as a rookie had no trouble delivering a string of one-liners Tuesday with the confidence of a stand-up comedian. For example:

"Why did you give it to them?"

-- Out With The Old, In With Older (LATimes.com)

This is killing me so hard. Augh. Augh. Augh. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Also P.S., look how hot he is!!!

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( x infinity

Let's go to your place

Hey, remember how I told you a couple months ago that the median price of houses around here was up to $520K? Well check this out:

"The median price of houses sold in Santa Clara County climbed to $599,000 in June, the fifth consecutive month of record-high prices, racking up a 15.2 percent increase from a year earlier." -- San Jose Mercury News (7/17/2004)

Yeah, I think we've made the right decision.

Please don't make me cry, Vlade

sacbee.com -- Kings -- Divac to sign with Lakers

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Trials are held for tuning in

Thank God we're getting the real criminals off our streets and into the prisons where they belong!

(That was sarcasm.)

Oh man, oh, Martha, I'm lost without her. She taught me how to poach chicken (and that chicken was delicious). She sold me Le Creuset cookware and the pen I used to address our wedding invitations. She's a genius and she deserves better. House arrest I can understand, but hard time? Good Lord. What kind of risk could she possibly pose to the rest of the world that she should deserve to be imprisoned? I don't get it. At all.

In time it comes to everyone

There's something about this online New York Times banner ad placement that could be construed the tiniest bit inappropriate, don't you think? (Click to enlarge)

What can I say about your suit that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?

Dear Lord I wish it was April Fools' Day.

Fashion Wire Daily June 11, 2004 - Los Angeles - Last night in Los Angeles, friends and fans of famed comic book artist Dame Darcy gathered at the Conga Room to witness the debut of the her B.I.T. couture collection. B.I.T., the Bat Institute of Technology, is the fictional institution that Dame Darcy and Australian designer Mindy "Legs" Le Brock dreamed up to label their collection of quirky clothes based on the characters from Dame Darcy’s "Meat Cake" comic books.

There'll be no more sorrow when I pass away

R.I.P. Ray, you crazy man. "You Don't Know Me" still makes me cry every time I hear it.

So there's a lot to talk about! Well not really. But what happened was, well, some of you know that I was interviewing for this big job, right? And I was supposed to have another discussion about it, then it got postponed. Then got postponed again, or possibly cancelled? Turns out it was cancelled. The position was eliminated entirely due to cost-cutting as it was considered to be nonessential. Oh well. That now busts my 1.000 interview average, but I don't really think it counts if I never actually had to set foot on the premises of the company. At least they didn't hire someone else over me, I don't think my ego could handle that.

I got that news on Monday, Christopher's birthday, which is a crappy way to celebrate somebody's birthday, but at least there was closure involved. I didn't bake a cake this year, but there was pudding and Cool Whip (by special request).

The cost of loving has been blown sky high

I sense a pattern emerging.

"Bay Area real estate sales again broke records in April, as the median price of single-family homes sold in the region hit $520,000, the first time that figure has crossed the half-million dollar mark." -- San Jose Mercury News (5/20/04)

"The $10 movie ticket has arrived in the South Bay [at AMC theaters]. ... Several large movie houses in New York already charge $10.50, but the top prices in Los Angeles and San Francisco are no higher than most in the South Bay. The Century 20 Great Mall still charges $9.50, and the Capital 16 is $9.25." -- San Jose Mercury News (5/20/04)

OK, it costs this much to live here, and yet I can't go out for ten minutes on foot and come home with an iced coffee, sesame noodles, cold beer and Midol? We have a problem.

I didn't want to have to be the one to say 'The End'

I know, I don't want to talk about it :'(

(Oh man!) What to do?

Yeah, I totally wanted to see that pot of sauce get dumped on people too, but now we'll ALL have to wait, because NBC yanked "The Restaurant" all of a sudden!!! with like NO warning!!! out of sweeps in favor of the ratings bonanza that is a rerun of "Crossing Jordan." These people, whoever they are, say Rocco's going to totally start over from the beginning on ... June 9? And then maybe they won't do this again and we'll get see the rest of the season? But I want to see sauce get dumped on people NOW. What?

I also totally missed "Helter Skelter" last night. Dame.

The fool will never beat the master now

Who knew TV Tome had such good information and/or bad news? This is about "Passions," of course.

As of 31 May 2004, Jack Krizmanich will be going from contract to recurring status. This is hardly surprising, since his on-screen father and 'mother' were bumped to recurring last December, and the character of John Hastings is seldom seen. He is the third actor to be removed from contract before it was up in the last six months (Dana Sparks and Justin Carroll were both dropped from contract to recurring status in early December, and when Ryan McPartlin's contract was up in April the show chose not to renew it).

Jesse Metcalfe (Miguel) and Molly Stanton (Charity) will both be departing PSSN in late spring, early summer. Metcalfe chose not to renew his contract (which was up in late June, early July), and Stanton opted to leave.

OK, John is completely useless, so who cares? I do, because he's still going to be showing up and sucking while Hank, Miguel and Charity will be gone. GONE!!! Ugh, this show. This may be the last straw.

WARNING: If you click on that link up there, you will get big fat spoilers on what happens to Miguel and Charity (which makes no sense) and who the "Mystery Man" and "Mystery Woman" really are (which almost makes almost as little sense, almost). At this point, who knows if any of us will be watching anyway? So it's not like it matters or anything. (I'll be watching. Of course. I'm a sucker.)

Also, TV Tome tells me that Hank is doing a pilot for the WB where he plays Fran Drescher's boyfriend. It's produced by Jamie Kennedy. I wish I was making this up.

It's a traveshamockery

PEJA WAS FOULED

Somehow I don't feel as bad as I did on Saturday night because man alive, that comeback in the 4Q was something to behold. But why couldn't they just ride that out and win the thing? Ai yi yi. Now going down 1-2 for the series in an OT game just makes me feel even WORSE. Somehow. I don't know, it made sense before.

For real, dudes. As Dave Chappelle would say, "That's from the heart."

I think you're a phony

Oh! The officiating tonight was sick. SICK. In the worst possible way. I hate it. It was horrible and sick and horrible. I should have been at a Sloan show tonight instead. That's right. The T-Wolves are DEAD when they get to Sacramento. DEAD. They are going to have LIMBS severed from their TORSOS. Because tonight made no sense. We should have had tonight, for real. And that Gollum bitch should have been T-ed out of that game in the second quarter, I'm not even kidding. Man I love this game but tonight I hate this game.

My dream boy VLADE rrowr VLADE

Hey Gollum! GOLLUM suck it GOLLUM prepare to have your LIMBS severed from your TORSO

I can think of a lotta worse places to be

I just applied for another job, and it's in Minneapolis. It's one of those uh-duh type situations where I'm of course the absolute perfect candidate and no one else should possibly be considered other than yours truly. It's to be the editor for a news Web site. You know, the exact same job I used to do? Only for a newspaper and not a cable news department. I'll be interested to see how I manage to not get this one, as that seems to be the pattern these days. But I'd really like it if they proved me wrong!

Our apartment is a complete disaster because management came to get in the crawl space on Thursday, right, so we had to dismantle our closet and take the door off and take everything out of the wardrobe and move the wardrobe out and blah blah hopefully without breaking any bones or dying. Didn't all this just happen the other day? Yes. Anyway, they got all finished and we were just about to start putting everything back when we noticed that they'd put another note on our door informing us that they need to get in there again ... Monday. Today! So we just left everything where it was, all day Friday and all weekend. All our clothes are on hangers, they're just stacked on our couches in the living room because we can't hang them back up yet. Piles of luggage and purses and T-shirts everywhere. I can't believe how stupid this is. I wonder if they'll give us another note when it's all over today to say they need to pop back in there on Thursday again for like two minutes. If I have to move my shoes one more time I will slit my wrists. I swear they're doing this just to torture me.

Today is also Christopher's last day at XO, and that's all I'm going to say about that!

I'll get around to catching up on "Idol" and Kraftwerk and the Kings and all that later. I just couldn't do any of that without grousing some first.

I'd rather not comment on nonna them playas

I have realized that I need to be falling-over-ass drunk during the entire playoffs, because otherwise there is no way I will be able to make it. It is simply too much stress.

Vlade hugging Brad? Excuse me while I pass out.

Before we get into this, just keep in mind that I've had three pint-glass margaritas tonight. Anyway ...

So yeah, things have gotten too crazy up in these parts. I alluded to bad news back here. That was the day we found out that Christopher's job was being outsourced, meaning that as of Cinco de Mayo, neither of us will have any kind of regular employment. Which kind of sucks. Which really kind of sucks. But oh!!! It gets better!!!

Now, today, we've found out that contractors are going to be checking out all the apartments in our complex over the next couple of days, which we know means that management is going to force us out of our apartments. This has been brewing over the last month or so, but we didn't think that anything was going to happen now. We've already seen the new renter sheets that say that they're renting out this same floor plan for what ... $600/month more? $700/month? Something like that. Anyway, since we're now here on a month-to-month basis and no longer protected by a lease, they obviously want us out of here yesterday. So our rent is going up to, like, $2000/month, which wouldn't seem so awful if a) we weren't out of a regular paycheck and b) we weren't living underneath the al Qaeda day-care center, you know what I'm saying? BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, I swear the ceiling is made out of cardboard. Living in Upper West Side pre-War buildings done spoiled me and we might as well move back into my postage-stamp Manhattan co-op at these prices. But anyway, we're going to be pushed out of here in a couple of months, and neither of us has a real job to keep us here. Which is where things get EXCITING. No they don't.

Christopher has some prospects, and I've applied for like a zillion things and have yet to hear anything back from anyone, which is, like, offensive. I demand respect. My mother (who herself is a human resources professional) says that people are obviously intimidated by my 12 years of NYC professional experience, like they don't want to hire me because I'll make everyone look bad. Which I totally believe, but jeez, why can't I even get a word of acknowledgment back from anyone? The only thing I've ever gotten is a letter back from New Times saying that I was their runner-up for the position of movie reviewer. Movie reviewer!!! I have like two years' experience doing that tops, yet I only get respect from them. This, to me, is unfathomable. I've now applied for about five different jobs at Apple. I've got three resumes pending there for three open Featured Content Manager positions at the iTunes Music Store. Now someone explain to me how I could not possibly be qualified for those jobs. Please, I'd really like to know. Is it because I'd be so fantastic that I'd make everyone else look bad? I guess so, but come on, people, show some flipping guts already. This situation is beyond even me. I mean, really. For real. Come on. This is an abomination.

So now, we've got no employment on the horizon, and no home. WTF, people. I mean, us. You know us, right? This makes no sense. No flipping sense at ALL.

This means, we need to reevaluate our situation up in heres. And, possibly and quite possibly probably, we need to move ourselves up into wherever we will be appreciated.

These are the possibilities.

• Stay in the Bay Area - OK, maybe. Christopher has already been offered a contract position with the outsourcers who are taking over his job. He's also got a few things brewing in different neighborhoods. I've applied for a bunch of things, but have yet to hear anything back because I am too SKILLED and INTIMIDATING. Bite me. So we might just have to uproot ourselves into ... another temporary living position. And I might just have to have an ATTACK.
  
• Modesto - This is my husband's hometown. We'd be, like, millionaires up in that bitch, apparently. I'd rather not.
  
• Los Angeles - Christopher has a job possibility there, and I could beg a job back at MTV News and would be in a better position to play on with my screenwriting business. However, neither of us are fans of the place. Granted, he went to college in Riverside and I spent three days there on a "Sweet Valley High" shoot, but still, we're pretty good with our instincts. Also, the Lakers? F the Lakers.
  
• New York - Didn't I just leave? But everyone I love who isn't family is there. Yet dame, the place be all expensive. And I cannot fathom going back to my old job in NYC. I can't. I can't. But my girls are there. What's the rent like in Greenpoint these days? Are there any open apartments in your building? Holla.
  
• Chicago and/or Boston - Jesus. What.
  
• Mpls./St. Paul - My hometown, where everyone I love who is family lives, and quite possibly the most awesomest place on Earth. Granted I was fearful of going back there for a while, and I know my husband was avoiding looking there because there was a feeling that I'd want to avoid "going back" after my stint in NYC ... which was true for a while, but now, dame, that place rules, why wouldn't I want to move back? I'd love to spend more time with my family. I haven't lived there since, like, 1988. The only drawback is the X-treme weather. But there's great people and great food and great opportunities and great family and the State Fair and Radio K and karaoke at Grumpy's. Land sakes, why not?

I want to go home, please let me go home

You know something? Today has been a banner day for horrible news, absolutely horrible news.

(l.-r.) Hugh Grundy, Rod Argent, Colin Blunstone, Chris White, Paul Atkinson

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Paul Atkinson, who played guitar in the British invasion band The Zombies and later became a successful music industry executive who signed such acts as ABBA, died Thursday, said his publicist Susan Clary. He was 58.

The event included a reunion of The Zombies.

The sound you make is muzak to my ears

R.I.P. Professor Weintraub. Since I refused to participate in the ritual of Sleep-Out on principle, I never took your class. Had I, perhaps I would have escaped the U of C without getting my crappy worst grade ever in winter quarter Western Civ (that would be a B-). You were a cool dude, or so the people who actually bothered to deal with Sleep-Out told me. Love, Kim

CHICAGO (AP) -- Karl Joachim Weintraub, a longtime University of Chicago professor who was so popular with students that they would sleep in line to register for his class, died Thursday, according to the university. He was 79.

Weintraub was born in Germany to a Jewish father and a Christian mother. During World War II, he was hidden by a Christian family in Holland. Afterward, the Quakers arranged for him to come to the United States. He finished his doctorate at the University of Chicago in 1957.

You should see his walk, it just screams 'Get in there with the pop stars!'

Hey! I'm back. I was out of town, and now I'm back (and to prove it I'm here). I'm too pumped up on SUGARY COLAS to sleep just yet and I just noticed that this existed and I am itching to see it. Itching! Although the filmmaker sounds like something of an extreme douche. So let me get this straight, he needed some dork (some dork from dorkass Dramarama no less) to explain to him who Rodney Bingenheimer is? In 1997?

Dude what.

1997, that's a joke right. In case you weren't aware (and I'm certain you ARE), the G.T.O.'s are required listening for every human being, just as I'm With the Band is required reading for every human being. 1997 and this butt has no clue. This is American history we're talking about here. THIS oooh THIS BURNS ME UP.

Someone out there needs to prevent idiots from making documentaries, some sort of Nightmarish Ghoul who STEALS SOOOOULS as well as financial backing, although apparently having no grasp on a particular subject leads to a person really needing to study up on it in a big way, so why not film the course of education? Yeah I guess. Good Lord. I hate everybody. But I still want to see the movie. Although on third/fourth/etc. thought, that poster/soundtrack cover design is eerily reminiscent of SOMETHING.

Yes, please hang on Mike

while we lift your album cover design

And while we're on the subject, BOTH of these are, obviously, "tributes" to my user pic on Friendster. I can't believe I didn't see it before.

America's #1 source of inspiration

Oof, doesn't it just make you livid. People are so devoid of creativity that all they can do is take take take take everything. Maybe I shouldn't see this movie after all. I bet it's EXPLOITATIVE. Nothing's right I'm torn.

Everybody knows that a healthy body makes a healthy mind

So you know how much I hate creepy, disturbing banner ads. I was at the CNN site yesterday when I saw this monstrosity.

I figure it's shrunken enough so that you can get the gist of what it's all about, which is a diet plan. OK, great. But what I cannot comprehend is that picture. That picture!!!

Dude, why why why. What is that thing.

A man?
A woman?
A corpse?

Miss Jane Hathaway, Nancy Kulp?

Character actor Sean Whalen?

If that's what this diet plan is promising, I'm sorry, I really don't want to look like that. Nor do I want anyone who looks like that gaping at me in sinister appreciation upon completing said diet plan. What went on in whoever's mind while they were making that? I don't understand.

From the cradle bars comes a beckoning voice

Not just of the Banshees, but also Visage, Magazine and P.I.L. :'(

R.I.P. John McGeoch

Opposites from the ends of the earth

Oh man, a bad day. Convicted Martha and dead Stephen Sprouse. I think I should go back to bed.

I'm spinning around, move out of my way

Modern developments I have trouble comprehending:

311 and their cover of "Love Song." What, are they Dashboard Confessional now? Or was Dashboard Confessional perhaps unavailable to record this in the first place? And where's that guy who goes YingiddyBingiddyGingiddyDingiddy through half their songs? Is he just on the remix? I'm confused.

Kanye West's choruses of magic helium-sucking midgets. Or maybe they're chipmunks? They're chipmunks, right? Pixies? Sprites? Dwarves? I don't know, but I just don't want to hear any more of them, I really don't.

"Passions" and its magic reset buttons and mind-erasing tools. OK, in the course of one episode, Whitney is MAGICALLY back together with Chad and his bad Eric Benét makeover and all is forgiven? Fox is no longer think-talking every other second about how much he loves Whitney (who is not only the Woman He Loves but also the Woman of His Dreams and His Secret True Love) because he's now madly in love with Theresa? Theresa has somehow developed an anti-Ethan gene after YEARS of careful audience hypnosis to the contrary? Oh, you can't be serious. Gwen almost gets killed by Beth after almost getting killed by Beth during a maelstrom of suspicion about Beth and the Evil Beth Has Most Likely Probably Possibly Done, and yet she suspects that this time it was ... Theresa. Oh good, let's go down that road again while we "take it to the next level" of improbability as to how Luis and Sheridan are going to be separated ... FOREVER. Oh for butt's sake. Next they'll send Kay and her baby on safari in Kenya so Charity and Miguel can get back together and Reese will end up getting it on with, I don't know, how about Hank. Actually, that last one just might work. Butt please, I got bored of Sheridan in the mental hospital and I get bored whenever Sheridan and Luis are doing it, but when Sheridan and Luis were doing it in the mental hospital, that was pure television gold and a shining example of how to put on a show. Now I am thisclose to no longer caring because they've suddenly put on the brakes and switched gears to a) stale old plots and b) new plots that make no sense WITHOUT RESOLVING ANYTHING AT ALL. If they're gonna drag old stuff back out again, why not have a portal to Hell open up someplace, that's always a good time.

Linds@y Loh@n, who is apparently Fr@nkie Muniz in drag.

Commercials for diapers that will hug my baby's sexy, sexy curves and dynamite ass. I give up.

It is time for you to stop all of your sobbing

When will local news stop with the stories about old ladies crying over their lost dogs? People lose their pets, my God, that is not news. Every time I see one of these stupid packages now all I can think of was the one a month or two ago where the old bag had a) left her dog in her car when she went shopping and b) left the doors unlocked. Unlocked! They should have stolen some more stuff from her while they were at it, because clearly that woman does not deserve to own anything at all. Surprisingly, the news story was not about how the dognappers were doing the dog a favor. There she was, all hysterical about how she couldn't live without her dog, the precious dog she left in her car with the doors unlocked while she went shopping. Maybe the dog got out of the car! Maybe he escaped to sweet sweet freedom! That would rule.

Out of boredom more than spite

Uta Hagen: Dead. It's unfortunate that the thing she brings to mind most prominently is how this guy in college used to do dramatic reenactments of the cover of Respect for Acting:

You can see how anyone would find this hilarious.

Not quite dead yet: Spaulding Gray. The only thing he ever brings to mind: his porn ouevre. Let me tell you something, the sight of Spaulding Gray doing it is not cute. (The Opening of Misty Beethoven is highly recommended for its production design alone, however.)

Is it all over my face?

So I was minding my own business searching around on Yahoo! news to get the latest on a certain B.S. who has clearly lost her mind (well, I guess that means I was minding someone else's business) and this horribly inappropriate banner just LEAPS off the page at me.

What what now?

This of course reminded me that I was at one time collecting print ads in which whitish substances are smeared haphazardly across peoples' faces, usually children's faces honestly, because over the last couple of years there have been just waaay too many ads with that going on, and I was planning on putting them up online and whatnot but of course, the laziness set in. Also, it's totally vile. I mean, all those ranch dressing ads alone, come on people, how stupid do we look to you? Pretty stupid I guess, because there's that one with the little Asian kid in the cowboy hat and not only does he have ranch dressing smeared all over his face, but he is also holding a CARROT. Yes.

At least this one is a bit more "adult" which is almost refreshing in the canon of Ads Featuring Models Smeared With Ejaculate Substitutes. It reminded me of this one, which I'd of course been saving lo these many years.

The model's eyeline is the key here, I think. What's it an ad for? Al Italia Airlines. Of course! Ooh, fly me.