Oh my God. OH MY GOD.
WHITE
CHOCOLATE
HAS
A
RING
OH
HELL
YEAH
Holy moly. Do you believe it? I don't believe it. Yet I believe it. I totally believe it.
I take a great deal of credit for this victory. Let me clue you in to MY SECRETS. There are but only two.
1) No editions of J-WILL HAIR WATCH 3000 all season long. This means something.
2) I made an amazing discovery during the second quarter of Game 6. This is some serious "In Search Of" shit, so DUDE. LISTEN.
As my poor suffering Christopher is my witness, during every Dallas possession I would sing "Do I Make You Proud?" by Taylor Hicks (YES. YES, I DID.) and the Mavericks would miss the shot. Every time. EVERY TIME. Except, like, maybe twice. Like, almost the rest of the entire game. Seriously. I'm serious! Ask Chris. He got really tired of it really fast. But he was THERE. He was a witness! Or should I say a NOWITNESS.
There were times when I would space out and not do it, and then they'd make a shot and get the points. But then I'd be "on it" the next possession and they'd miss. Always. Seriously.
This didn't work for fast-break or second-chance baskets or foul shots, for those keeping score at home, but honestly, it totally did the trick. I don't even know how I started doing it; I think that Ford commercial was on and then I just started singing it to be annoying and BAM. It worked. Like a voodoo charm. I'm a SORCERER.
This is totally exactly what it was like:
MAVERICKS: ::dribbling ball::
ME (Obnoxious): DO I MAKE YOU PROOOOOOOOOOOOUD
MAVERICKS: ::brick:: and/or ::airball::
I'm not kidding. I have POWERS. Apparently. And I don't even know the song!!! All I know is DO I MAKE YOU PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUD. I guess that's all I need, because MAGIC happened.
Holy moly. Holy holy moly.
