Dude, check it out! It's my biorhythm chart thingie. This is no joke, people. This is EXTREME REALNESS. So if you are likewise wondering why I'm completely crazy lately, apparently it is BECAUSE I AM. Woo.
Yeah you better watch it.
I'm scandalized and, quite possibly, traumatized.
See, this is a far preferable Brad image option, what with him sitting all gigantic in a tiny chair, bringing the knowledge to the young people. And the hat? It works and you know it. But oh, this is so wrong. Look how uncomfortable he is there. He knows I'm watching.
How could a new NBA season get started without me addressing the Brad on the Media Day? Some mysteries cannot be explained. Do you know how sick I am? SICK, people. I have an inhaler. AN INHALER. I should next get braces and an elastic band to keep my glasses on my head.
Also, I have no sick time left at work, which is FANTASTIC that I can sit there and sniff and cough and be a general nuisance all day long.
For that reason, the inhaler is excellent for possibly one reason and one reason only: the drama.
Person X: Kim, did you get that e-mail ...
Kim: [SHAKES INHALER WITH GUSTO]
Person X: ... about the project ...
Kim: [INHALES VIGOROUSLY]
Person X: ... that we need to complete today?
Kim: [EXHALES] I'm sorry. You were saying?
It's the accessory of the future. I highly recommend it.
I'm sorry. I was saying? Oh yes, MEDIA DAY. Puffy, bleary-eyed and wildly inappropriate, the Brad did not disappoint this year.
The chair picture. THE CHAIR PICTURE. It haunts me. Jane is so wise when she says the least the Kings could do is find a media day photographer who can manage to say, "Work it." There is no working here. When I said he looked like he'd just woken up in his pictures last year, clearly he set out to show me up. I've been shown, and I'm sorry.
"Oh no, that angle is inappropriate ... and I'm looking!" Jane again and right again. Plus the picture was bigger on kings.com. Much much bigger. Everything about that picture is ... inappropriate. And I'm looking!
Whew, this is better. While the "whisper to me words of wisdom, ball" pose is questionable, at least he looks a little angry about it. By the way, if you find the Olan Mills style of basketball portrait posing hilarious, may I direct you to the following outstandingly awesome images.
It's almost as if the Milwaukee Bucks' photographer said, "Please, for the love of God, don't work it."
I'd be remiss not to mention the headband once again masks the Caesar bangs. You say, "Oh no, not the Caesar bangs!" I say, sadly, oh yes.
Caesar bangs make Baby Jesus cry! He shaved his head for opening day, though, which is a grand relief. My silence was sending a message. Although it really was that I was just sick and lazy, but in my sick lazy head, I knew he knew I was watching.
Besides, that's an awesome Enrique Murciano Jr. smirk he's got going there, which can pretty much make up for any and all sartorial crimes. A remarkable effort. A+