Tonight, the final six compete! You don't say. It's probably even less exciting than it sounds. WHO will win my vote? (Nobody!) THIS is American Idol!
Idol is doing its part for Earth Day by using Green Power in the finale. You mean Scritti Politti's going to be there?!
I like how Ryan has to ask the audience to "keep the noise going" before introducing the contestants. Ugh, Lord, no. By which I mean Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, YES! I mean actually, no. Chris: "Ha! He's funny lookin'!" LALW: "I'm a composer, all right?" Tremendous. "I'm your servant." Whoa! We're storytelling tonight. Words words words! Chris: "It'd be funnier if it was Terry Jones doing an impersonation of him." I believe that to be true!
Once again, tonight is the TOUGHEST NIGHT OF THE SEASON! or so Randy says. I've checked out in my mind already. And out of my mind. The contestants need to be memorable! (No shit!) And contemporary! And colorful! I can safely say if it's not from Evita or Jesus Christ Superstar, I probably won't know it.
Let's get this one over with. Finally, she can show personality, thanks to this cheesy theme! Uh. Wow. That's sad. The words "musical theater" are uttered. She looks like she has a Gremlin head on. Way to miss your cue!!! I don't know this song. It's apparently from Starlight Express. I must shake my head in wonder. Her boobs are squished in a gross, floppy way. Prop dancer! WTF? Ohhhhh this is corny corny corny bad, I mean CORNY DELICIOUS like DELICIOUS CORN. Did she forget the words and repeat the same thing over and over? That's what it sounded like. BRILLIANT and INNOVATIVE. Randy says she could have a Broadway career. I would take that as an insult. Paula says it's her happy place, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber! Eew, Simon says "sexy." He understands that "Broadway star" is not a compliment. That was RICKEY MINOR! dancing? Yaaagh. I mean OMG that was the most tremendous two minutes of entertainment I have ever had the pleasure of being entertained by! Exclams!!!
Jason is not aware of the works from which these songs originate. He says he is embarrassed by that. He should not be. Ugh, "Memory." LALW thinks Jason kinda understood it, maybe. Jason: "I didn't know a cat was singin' it." LALW proclaims this a brave choice! LALW seems perplexed by this entire enterprise. Mood lighting! White suit! This is like "Hallelujah" Part II. It's kind of weird! EMOTING!!!! If you touch him, you'll understand what happiness is. Randy says "trainwreck" and "not your thing, dude" and "too much melody." Paula says he is not a female power balladeer, and this further identifies his unique being as an artist. Simon says it's a democracy and people have a choice and people shouldn't vote for this. Rosalyn Sanchez violently disapproves of that advice!
Ugh, "You Must Love Me." Nothing like hitching your wagon to a half-assed afterthought created expressly for Oscar consideration! LAWL believes she doesn't have a clue what she's singing about until he tells her what she's singing about. This is one of the most powerful moments she's experienced on this show, she declares. Nice false start, professional. She's sorry! I hope she has a Nellie McKay/Cat Power-style breakdown on this stage someday. If she makes it past this week, oh-ho! I've never liked this song. Man, she looks angry! We MUST love her! MUST!!!! Randy overlooks the false start, but Paula does not! In a big way! Uncomfortable silence! You must never stop and start! Simon: "quite uncomfortable." Rick Schroeder approves! Chris: "At least she shut up while the judges were talking."
Ryan allows David to be manhandled by young girls. This is apparently a Phantom song for a girl. LALW says we should all be saying bravo! His two pieces of advice are to are to keep his eyes open and to keep his eyes open. Chris and I enjoy this a great deal. We think it's "More Than Words" when it starts. You can see him totally struggling to keep his eyes open. Those BEADY LITTLE EYES. This is totally 98˚ or, dare I say, O-Town. Randy says it was the bomb, this dude is the one to beat! Paula says it was perfect and that he is quite able. Simon: "one of your weakest" and "forgettable." He's trying to get that creepy stage dad riled up. Paul Stanley approves!
LAWL says she has a big girl chest voice. Well, yes. He wisely steers her from a crap ballad to "Superstar," if only for my unintentional enjoyment. JUDAS. Bombastic! Seizure lighting! RICKEY MINOR DANCING! I'll overlook the horrible parts of this to be like, OK, at least she's doing a song that is appropriate for screaming. Her glitter eyeliner is distracting. JUDAS. Randy is all like whatever. Paula likes it. Simon likes it. She's so happy! She needs to keep her mouth shut when she's happy, ack, she looks like a snake unhinging its jaw. She somehow has a "Simon Likes Me" T-shirt at the ready. That seems presumptuous. She proceeds to drape it over her boobs and they all go boing boing boing boing. She knows her strengths. Her two strengths.
We hear the words "Music of the Night" and we both have to take a moment to fall out laughing and then try to stop ourselves from laughing. The second part is very difficult. Raw passion! Look deeply into Lord Andrew's eyes! Let your soul take you where you long to be! Oh wow this is soooo lame I mean it is the BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. Why is he using his mic like he is eating an ice cream cone? Look at that! I'm not kidding, right? Ugh, STOP LOOKING AT ME. Did LALW neglect to tell him to keep his eyes open? He's either got his eyes shut or he's STARING at me. I mean really, that is just creepy. Creepily ATTRACTIVE AND AWESOME and drippy and gross I mean THE MOST FANTABULOUS PROGRESSIVE INTERPRETATION EVER TO GRACE THE WORLD OF MUSICAL THEATER. Randy says dude, molten hot lava bomb tonight! Paula says this song just proved more and more that he is so well-rounded as a performer with a beautiful instrument. Simon says it is too rounded off, so everyone is thinking "round." Is it David's elliptically shaped head? That must be what is inspiring it. Wow, it is like twice as big as Ryan's head. That is so creepy. I mean it is a CLEAR INDICATION of his GIANT BRAIN of GENIUS.
Was it just me, or did you hear people laughing hysterically during David C.'s recap? Hahahaha. I mean HOW DARE THEY!!!!!
Chris: "In honor of Earth Day, are you recycling any jokes?"
Posted by Kim at April 22, 2008 10:29 PM | The Sound of Breaking GlassThis show was mind-numbing. So mind-numbing, my wife boycotted the show by chatting on-line with a friend and frequently asking "does it look as bad as it sounds?" I could only respond with "you need to see it to believe it."
I've been rooting for Jason for a few weeks now, but that was just pitiful. I didn't know it was sung by a cat? It's from "Cats." Aren't they all cats? I don't know, but I thought they were.
We got a good long view of Carly's husband tonight from the tattoo side and between all that ink and Carly's snake jaw (good one, Kim), they are going to have carnival babies.
Nice Scritti Politti reference, too.
I think Syesha, Brooke and Jason are the bottom three with Syesha checking out. I guess this every week and someday soon I will be correct!
Posted by: pieman at April 23, 2008 07:41 AMCan I just admit that I voted for Jason like 20 times last night because I don't want to lose him now? He's got to get through somehow. I mean, after I cast 900 votes for Carly and David Cook, of course. If only The One With the Head (TM, my mom) had worn the mask while doing his sad Michael Crawford impersonation, I'd have made it 9,000 votes.
Brooke not talking was something to give thanks for, but even her face was making me angry. I've had it with her. I hate it all! But I love to read this.
Posted by: jane at April 23, 2008 09:22 AMJane is right, you know. This recap is a bazillion times more entertaining than the actual show. I so look forward to this every Wednesday and Thursday morning. I think at this point I am only watching the show so I know what you're talking about.
Posted by: pieman at April 23, 2008 10:41 AMAww!!! I'm sorry we couldn't save Carly this week after working so hard. Now we'll have to make sure we work extra hard next week for David C.! And Syesha! And Brooke and her face-making face!!!
Posted by: Kim at April 24, 2008 12:10 AM