Three nights in a row of this show makes me feel like I've been at a Sunday school lock-in. I've spent waaay too much time with these people and I'm not looking forward to seeing them in class next week. Even yet still more guests and surprises in store tonight! Mandisa (just sitting there)! THIS is American Idol!
Let's relive all those horrible "comedic" moments from last night's broadcast, including Miley Cyrus trying to talk through her giant fake teeth. $60M! That makes the pain of unfunny people worthwhile. I think.
Well open the eyes of my heart, Up With People brings us "Shout to the Lord." WTF. I fear I flipped the Songs of Worship switch by bringing up "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" the other day, I'm sorry. This is BIZARRE. Brooke really loves singin' to Jesus! Have we ever seen her so happy? David C. and Carly take shouting to the Lord quite literally. Dial it back, dial it down, do it for Jesus.
Sadly they do indeed revive last year's lip-sync video horror as some of our favorite B- and C-list stars dance around to "I'm a Believer." Ugh. Kobe Bryant, the Laker With the Thing on His Face! Soooo many people we didn't see last night. Ricki Lake! Ginger and Baby, my two favorite Spices! Rosalyn Sanchez! Dr. Phil! Someone who looks like Johnette Napolitano! The Closer! THE SHIELD! Eddie Izzard really deserves to be doing something better than this. I wish you could see the look on Chris' face right now.
Sad Forest Whitaker makes me sad!
And now, let's welcome Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks. Ryan did announce her second, didn't he? Just checking. Chris is SO EXCITED to see Chris Brown. "Look at that fade! No wonder the ladies love him!" This whole pre-recorded effects vocal thing is giving me a headache. Chris: "Either he's really tiny, or she's really huge—or both." Oh what electric drama do these two generate between each other. ACTING! Now let's bring out her two (TWO!) platinum singles awards psst and gold album award psst and remind ourselves that she's not exactly the least successful Idol champion ever! Ohhh doesn't that make us all feel good.
Tonight's Ford Music Video just wants to celebrate another day of living, another day of life, another week squeaking by on this show. Chris is disappointed they are throwing paint into the L.A. River. "That's not green!"
Ahhhh they finally get around to calling all the safe ones first and leaving the bottom three behind. I love that move. And our bottom three are:
Duh, duh, duh. Who will have the lowest number of votes? Carly helpfully offers up her hand. Way to win 'em over, lady!
Bono is a fan of America! Barack Obama believes deeply in what American Idol is all about. Tremendous.
Syesha and Carly are safe! Which meeeeeans ... Michael has "the lowest number of votes." Hmm, the caveat wording. Please don't dick us over on a night when I would be perfectly gleeful for any or all of the bottom three to get canned.
Ryan: "Last year, during Idol Gives Back, we didn't eliminate anybody at this stage of the competition. Tonight—"
[dramatic pause]
"—we're gonna say goodbye to Michael Johns."
Dun-dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Wow, cruel. Cruel! CRUEL!!! Even for this show, that is nasty. And during Idol Gives Back week even! AI ain't comin' on soft, y'all. The audience is FREAKED OUT. Paula is incapable of shutting her mouth. Chris: "Wow, he musta pissed someone off."
Sing us out, ascot man, let the good Lord take you away. Luke sighting! Carly can't stop crying over herself. Meanwhile, Jason is just smiling and singing along.
Our hero!
Posted by Kim at April 10, 2008 10:17 PM | The Sound of Breaking GlassYer damn right he pissed someone off, Chris. ME! ME! Whatever will we do without MethMan?? That truly was a nasty move by Seacrest and the producers. I called nobody going home over on The W, but I am totally okay with this outcome.
Posted by: pieman at April 11, 2008 04:30 AMI am kind of bummed, especially with the potential departure of Carly hanging in front of me so alluringly. Admittedly, I have been known to have a strange attraction to MethMen in general. And MethMan also reminded me a teeny bit of Jagr. Now I feel like I lost a friend. And so cruelly!
Anyway, my real point is: Did anyone see Jason turning toward the camera and lip-syncing also to Ryan Seacrest saying "THIS is American Idol"?! Man, I love that kid.
Posted by: jane at April 11, 2008 07:10 PMI was a long week. We (almost) felt guilty when we started fast forwarding through the starving children... especially when someone said, "fast forward these poor people UNTIL YOU SEE THE FORD COMMERCIAL." I mean really, isn't there something wrong with that statement?
Our friends who had Johns as their horse were totally crushed. I'm happy though because Castro seems to make a great default-horse for those who need someone new to cheer for. My BF converted to Castro once Chikezie was gone, I see my other friends doing the same. I think Castro can go all the way, especially if you keep perpetuating that "Live Links" picture.
Posted by: Tammy at April 13, 2008 09:15 AMI don't know if there was as much wrong with that statement as there was with the fact it made me laugh. TERRIBLE! What this show does to people.
I thought maybe I saw JC lip-sync Our Key Phrase but then I figured I imagined it like a wonderful dream. Last week was all such a blur from too much gazing into the dark nights of all our souls, or something.
It's sad they made me feel for MethMan simply by virtue of the dick move they perpetrated on him. I've been manipulated! Or dare I say, MethManipulated.
Jagr! Holy shit! It's like if he and Stuart Adamson had a baby. Or maybe Jagr is like if MethMan and Stuart Adamson had a baby. Intriguing!
I live for that LiveLinks picture. It's sad they couldn't get him more in focus, but for real it's not like dude is much in focus to begin with.
Posted by: Kim at April 14, 2008 10:37 PM