Is my favorite safe? Do I have a favorite? It is a sad state of affairs that I would rather be doing my homework than watching this show. Seriously, I had to TEAR MYSELF AWAY from reviewing updated academic policy. THIS is American Idol!
Just by Ryan's intro, I already know that I desperately wish I had the power to fast forward. Yes we're watching this live. It's painful!
Up With People perform "9 to 5"! Someone has once again forgotten to turn Ramiele's mic on. Michael is wearing a Dolly T-shirt. He is being creative with the lyrics and his crotch is terrifying. It's painful watching these "cool" people attempt to be "ironic" with the hokey choreography they're dealt. Except Jason, he can do whatver the hell he wants. I don't think he has the mental capability to actually be ironic about anything ever. There's a Chikezie sighting and Chris FREAKS OUT. He notes there were no opening credits for this show (unless we somehow missed them). This show is THAT stacked. How appropriate for Dolly Parton!
Is it my imagination, or is Kristy the only person on this show who knows how to dress for the stage? Are David C.'s eyebrows getting thinner? Why does Syesha look like she had a deflated popover on her head last night? Why do I always say "cravat" instead of "ascot"?
I'm checking out during the live phone calls. Zzzzz. I'm dreaming about course descriptions and changing hundreds of "Prerequisite(s)" to either "Prerequisite" or "Prerequisites". I don't care about the Next Whatever American Band. That singer looks terrified. Chris: "David Flair?!" That mandolin player is FEELING IT. Is that even a mandolin? I have no idea. Chris and I agree that "This Little Light of Mine" is a strange choice. This feels like it's nine minutes long.
Tonight's FORD MUSIC VIDEO! brings us "It's Tricky." The concept involves basketball and black people! I have nothing else to say!
Let's catch up with Bucky and Phil and Bo Butt!
Bucky looks about 40. Phil looks like he is "bald Jeff Goldblum" who "ate his baby" (both ™ Chris). Bo is recovering from intestinal surgery with help from his dogs and building a recording studio! He's putting out an album in last October! He's so self-absorbed into his music! I still call him "Bo Butt"! THIS is American Idol!
WHO is in the uncomfortable stools tonight?
Oh no, tiny lady! Sad pouting! It is to cry!
The ultimate indignity: Paula calls her "Krissy."
I can't even believe she is demanding Simon to apologize to her. No amount of sexy winking will make that tolerable!
BTW, if you're going to cover "Jolene," this is how you do it:
I wanted to be Rose McDowall SO BAD. OK, still do.
Temperatures are rising! Some girl got abducted, or maybe she didn't! Foreclosures! All this plus a wild police chase through the Twin Cities—TONIGHT on the Fox 9 News at 9!
Aww, Ramiele and Brooke are so teary-eyed. Kristy is positively giddy, bless her.
Aww, Dolly! Singing about Jesus and gravity! Chris: "She's been spending years cursing gravity." For a second when Dolly's song started, I thought it was "Paranoid Android." And I swear it had nothing to do with yesterday. I really thought it was "Paranoid Android." What's in my drink?! Holly Robinson Peete approves!
STOP TALKING BROOKE PLEASE STOP TALKING. What a drama queen, Jesus. Who goes home?
Oh no, tiny lady!!!!!!! Our people gave up on you! Soooo much crying. You never lived up to your potential, and for that I, too, weep. And she still sings! What a pro.
Boy, Syesha and Carly sure look happy, don't they? So does Jason, but dude's ALWAYS happy. Also, I need to find out what kind of eyeliner Ramiele is wearing, because a) it is hot and b) it's clearly got staying power. Though sadly, not enough Pinoy power.
Oh no, tiny lady! Sad pouting! It is to cry!
The ultimate indignity: Paula calls her "Krissy."
I can't even believe she is demanding Simon to apologize to her. No amount of sexy winking will make that tolerable!