You're looking so tight

Last night's show was so awful, it made me physically ill today. Ryan cheers me up with a shout-out via PowerPoint presentation of the hot new Simon hand gesture that is clearly catching on like WILDFIRE. THIS is American Idol!

Our Up With People salute the Sounds of the Seventies, y'all! Let's see if the medley makes any more earthly sense this week:

"I Saw the Light" (I cursed Todd by invoking his name on Tuesday, clearly)
"It's a Heartache"
"The Things We Do for Love"
"I Feel the Earth Move"

"It's a Heartache" feels woefully out of place. 1978 might as well be the '80s, guys. (1977, in the case of 10cc, not so much so. You know I'm right.) David C. opts for a tuxedo T-shirt, which makes it official: I hate him forever. Amanda butchers everything she touches. Someone turn Chikezie!'s mic on! David H. shows off his hot stripper moves. Cheated out of solos: Danny, Jason C., Ramiele, Asia'h, Luke, Kady—I think that covers it? Michael appears to be undergoing some kind of Jeff Tweedy makeover, which I hope includes progressively getting all bloated and gross. So who's going home first?

He never reached the bar I set for him, how sad. Chris: "Take that, Miz!" David H. is turning out some hot moves during this farewell performance! I see no tears from anyone, how interesting. Dudes, more camera time! Dudes!!! Get with it!

I spend this ad break unraveling the mystery behind Chris thinking Miguel Alvarez is actually Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald, therefore vehemently disagreeing with my crack David H. assessment. "Who does he look like?" "Miguel Alvarez!" "No ... " For a second I thought I was in the Kids in the Hall Citizen Kane sketch.

Oh no, Jane jinxed her! Well, this sure sucks. Hahaha, she calls Ryan "freak" on her way out, all in good fun. She's leaving us far too soon and taking away the biggest part of me, oooh no. That's right, she made one of those "ironic" song choices. David A. is DISCONSOLATE! as he just remembered he hasn't had a chance to monopolize the TV yet. He's a fast learner!

On the way to this elimination, Ryan makes a point to talk about how Carly's had the flu. Didn't EVERYONE have the flu? Can they please stop shoving her down our throats? Please? It's between Alaina and Kady. Ryan points out that the third person who gets called out is the third-lowest vote-getter, proving again that he indeed must read me on the regular.

Oh no, I jinxed her! Aww, no, sobbing, aww. Is that the most shaken-up of anyone who's been kicked off live? I can't remember the last time if ever anyone was reduced to that much of a blubbering mess. Ryan evokes the magic words "raw emotions." Cue Danny weeping glamorously! She says she can't sing, and then everyone is like SING SING because America loves train wrecks, and so she does! Yet another ironic song choice, or at least it is from the first two lines. Yes, yes, she CAN sing after all! Ahh, we are witnessing the healing process begin through the cathartic release of pop music, or something. Thank you, Idol!

Another Idol Gives Back? Really? I mean I'm all for helping the underprivileged and shit, but not at the expense of my AI happiness and entertainment satisfaction. I still haven't recovered from those Ben Stiller segments from last year.

That "Don't Forget the Lyrics" ad made me want to kill something.

OK, it's down to Luke and Robbie. I will weep for neither of them.

Aaaand it's so long to the dude with the allegedly fake hair. No sex allowed! Chris says that's payback for changing the key of "Hot Blooded" so dramatically. Alexandréa should have done this song instead, for real. Let's float out of here on these magic words: "You're looking so tight."

Luke can't believe his good luck! Look at that guy smile. See, this show does make people happy after all!

Posted by Kim at February 28, 2008 08:39 PM | The Sound of Breaking Glass