I'm one of those 'knowledge is power' kinda people

Chris is intrigued that the Top 10 ladies are going to "lay it all on the line." ("Really?!") Ryan is looking too casual for my liking! I'm just ... totally ... dreading this. THIS is American Idol!

The crowd is tepid during the rundown! Oh Amanda, that hair, just no. The ladies sound like they're being led to the gas chambers when Ryan tries to get them "pumped up." Wow, this is really shaping up to be something special.

What you might not know about Carly is that she's also a bartender! An "Irish pub," how quaint, how surprising. "Crazy on You," well at least she's picking something that involves screaming. Oh boy, RUNS. What does she keep looking at? That's distracting. Boing boing boing boing boing. Oh no, on that last note I thought she was trying to push something out of herself. Randy is going out of his way to sound critical, even though this wasn't completely ghastly or anything. Paula, whatever. Simon takes on the task of kissing her ass this week. First she says "Crazy on You" is her favorite song of all time, and then she says it's "one of" her favorites? Oh come on, now.

Chris is affecting the new Simon "open hand with thumb pointing to temple" pose. It's catchin' on!

One thing you might not know about this one is that she is an actress. You don't say. Actually, her clips refute that claim. Then she does this imitation of a crying baby that I think frightens the crowd mute. "Me and Mr. Jones," whatever. This is way monotonous. Chris says he should've made the brave choice to keep it Mrs. "but she probably didn't want to piss off God." Dude, her skin looks ROUGH on HD. Randy says you need to use what you got, give'em what you got girl. Paula, whatever. Simon invokes the magic word "indulgent." She says "I made it my own." Sweet fancy Moses, this one.

Brooke went to beauty school! She's a beauty school dropout! She's seriously sitting on camera like she has some crazy scoliosis going on. She's making me tense. Oh no, she's bringing out the guitar. "You're So Vain," oh my. There is something wrong with this that I can't quite figure out. I guess it's just really ... plodding? Kind of like a hoedown? And then she's on the verge of cracking up like three times, which I think she's meaning to do, but instead I just think she's trying not to crack up. Randy says she has that Carly Simon vibe goin' on, yeah yeah. Paula says what she brought to it was familiarity. OK. Is that a good thing? Simon breaks out his "absolutely llllllloved it" and I'm surprised, but he's clearly "way into it" if you know what I'm saying. Yes, there is sexy winking involved. Aww, she's cute though. Ryan can't stop touching her!!! She says she was "thisclose to losing it" and I had to rewind to find out she was talking about the guitar and not about laughing. I was thisclose to being justified, oh darn.

Ramiele used to Polynesian dance when she was little. Pinoy power! "Don't Leave Me This Way," oh this better be good because I'm tired of hearing it. She's mostly covering her crotch this week, which is a plus. Oh, this is not good. This is not good at all. The band sounds like it's nothing but a mixed down snare and some noodling. She looks cute, though! Oh, the ending, oh Lord, no. I'm just shaking my head. Randy wishes she chose a song that is more dope. Paula feels she didn't get to perform her magic. Simon's with me on the song choice. Good thing she's got the Filipino vote behind her. You go, tiny lady!

I really don't care to learn any fun facts about this one, honestly. Hahaha, there's a picture of her with a log wedged up her hoo-hah. Chris: "STRADDLE IT!" "You're No Good," well that's appropriate. Chris: "She's assuming the boob mantle." Oh God, that outfit. Whoooooa boobs. She's putting 'em on the glass! Those pants are just gross. Also, the dancing? Kick-step doing the Twist? The hell? Everyone says this is better than last week, because there were more boobs. Actually I just made up that last part, but the implication is there.

Oh Amanda, that hair, honey no. Did you know she likes reading? I bet you didn't know that! She brings us tonight's title, by the way. "Carry On Wayward Son," oh no, no no no. Don't you cry no more? Too late. Oh God, the hair. It's like Roseanne Barr crossed with Priscilla Presley and a really sloppily drawn cartoon lion. Oh no. The spazz dancing. The pants. The pants!!! I just can't ... no. Randy says the song has "way too much melody," oh yes, what a drawback. Paula says she got some moves! Amanda's people in the crowd, as Chris points out, "look uneasy." That's putting it mildly. Randy: "Keep it bluesy rock! Keep it bluesy rock!" Simon hates it! Everyone condescends to her with that whole "You're such a pretty girl, why do you do that to yourself, let the world see your pretty face" business that I find so amusing.

This one is OCD about her food. She doesn't like her food to "touch each other" or something. Chris: "She doesn't like her teeth to touch each other." "Hopelessly Devoted to You," oh no, why? Why? Why????? This isn't '50s week! Oh ho ho. I am bitterly disappointed. See, she IS making me take back everything I said last week. That was fast! Oh no, the screaming. Is this a screamy song? Is it? Is that what is known as "switching it up" in this competition? HER MOUTH IS GIGANTIC, oh my God. Randy votes no! Paula votes "real good job." Simon votes yes for her and no for everything else. Pageanty! Simon likes her despite all the apparent reasons to not like her, which once again shows that great minds think alike. Ryan and Simon get sassy with each other, which I always love. That's the best part of the show so far!

Tonight on the Fox 9 News at 9: Shocking stories about the dangers of sleepwalking!

What you might not know about Alexandréa is that she was a poster child! Really, she was. "If You Leave Me Now," oh gosh, that's ... interesting. This is weird, really really all over the place weird, and she's wearing knee-length cargo shorts with stiletto booties. STILETTO BOOTIES. I'm really confused by all of this. Where is this going? Where am I? What am I wearing? Oh shit, this totally went all crazy CD101.9 at the end. I feel completely insane right now. Randy, whatever. Paula's all like relevance and females and what? Simon is all like, no. There's a lot of no in this room tonight!

This one sings opera. Of course she does. Chris: "And she's not doing 'Bohemian Rhapsody'?!" "Magic Man," oh good luck with that, lady. One other thing you might not know about this one is that she can't sing and walk down stairs at the same time. She sounds like a car alarm. I got nothing else. Randy's like, no. Paula thinks she has many hidden talents! Simon is frustrated. I bet he is, oh ho ho.

Aww, she was a cheerleader. Good girl! "All By Myself," oh man, you know this is my jam. This is shaky but I don't care. Oh no, she totally hiccupped over her big first transition and oh, no, and oh no, oh, not good, this is not good. Screaming means you mean it! Oh man, that got the guys on their feet and I think I saw Danny getting a little emotional!!! Oh boooooo BOO, she's doing the Celine Dion ending which I HATE and that disappoints me greatly. Randy and Paula are all like, you brought it home. Simon calls this "one of the diva songs of all time," but would a diva put out an album cover that looks like this? Simon feels she needs to know her limitations. Should we give her credit for at least trying to go for it? I am clearly of two minds with regard to this performance.

Let's look back at the night's performances. Wow, they sucked. Brooke looks like Queen at Wembley in retrospect. Was it as awful as I think it was? It was, wasn't it? Ugh, oh no, this show, this show.

Posted by Kim at February 27, 2008 10:49 PM | The Sound of Breaking Glass