I'm really very surprised to realize this is Final 3 week, a.k.a. Elliott Goes Home week--from this vantage point it seems like we got here really quickly, but that probably has something to do with me really not rooting for anyone this year. Then I realize how easy it's been for me to forget every week has been slow torture.
If they're doing three songs, I can't be bothered to do this chronologically.
I am so tired of contestants admitting they've never heard of the songs they're singing, case in point being Simon's choice of "Wishing on a Star" by Rose Royce, which apparently she had never heard before and when faced with the mildest criticism, she forces this knowledge upon us. I don't know music! I'm an idiot! Yeah, you and me both, apparently, if I'm still watching this show. The producers give her "She Works Hard for the Money," and her blouse looks like she put each boob in slings and then covered it all with drapery. Seriously, you should see this thing. Also she's wearing giant gold platform heels and stomping across the stage like Godzilla, which I personally love but perhaps looks a little awkward to people who don't appreciate stomping. Let's revisit "I Who Have Nothing" for her third song, which is apparently her "favorite" song. She's apparently wearing a negilgee here, which I guess explains why her parents have been scowling through this entire show. Call me crazy, I still think this is really good. Whatever. What do I know, I clearly don't know music.
Paula chooses "Roxanne" by the Police for this one, which he then translates into some weird key(s) from outer space into a new form of music like I've never heard before! Ever! I wish he would quit trying to looking at me while he's singing. He's gross! I need to get really drunk right now. Oh sweet Jesus, the producers give him "This Love" by Maroon 5, which is a gateway drug to alleged dancing and has the unfortunate side effect of forcing me to appreciate the vocal talents of that dude from Maroon 5. Does this guy ever stay on key or on beat? Ever? I'm just curious. I mean, you'd think even an alleged beatboxer would have that element which is known as rhythm, or even alleged rhythm (a.k.a. "rhythm") for that matter. Can you tell I did indeed start drinking at this point? P.S. Sir Mix-A-Lot just undid so much of the universal goodwill he earned with "My Big Cups" by performing with this douche and allowing it to be filmed. Just saying. This one's "favorite" song is "When I Get You Alone" by THICKE. Bahahaha. Bahahahahahaha. THICKE. Why am I not surprised. You have no idea how much mirth and schadenfreude this song and, well, basically the entire concept of THICKE brought me at MTV. Well, maybe one of you has an idea. My house! My job! My toot! My snoot! The judges like this. I have nothing left to say about anything, or at least not until I have more to drink. What do I know, I clearly don't know music.
Randy picks a "hot one" which is "I Believe in You and Me" by Whitney Houston! Picking Whitney Houston songs sets up Idol contestants for disaster, as we are told time and time again, so hmm, an interesting political move there, Randy. She sounds like Ruth Gordon on the high note, yet Randy proclaims she "blew it out the box," so whatever, what do I know, I clearly don't know music. Ryan points out Randy's sinister manipulative ways, because he is a genius. The producers give her "Nutbush City Limits," and I begin to wonder who is out to get this lady. Dare I suggest so far she's looking extremely cuted up this week? I want to borrow her wigs, seriously. For her "favorite" song, she brings back "I'm a Woman" and promptly messes up the words. Ooops. The judges manage to overlook this despite her "oh crap" faces.
Between that and the "you have a ticket to the finals" and "My girl Melinder" business, I don't have a good feeling about any of this, but whatever, what do I know, I clearly don't have a handle on the futuristic current contemporary power of a THICKE song that came out five years ago. Ugh. This f-ing show.
Posted by Kim at May 15, 2007 11:12 PM | The Sound of Breaking GlassPainful show. And you obviously don't know anything about music. Neither do I.
What?!?! No comments about Blake's attire? I am depressed by your non-comment.
Blake should be going home, which of course means, Melinda will get booted. I mean, Simon's girl, Melinder.
Posted by: pieman at May 16, 2007 04:40 AMDude. Dude dude dude. I am sorry to say "dude," but dude, here is the problem: I HATE Blake. Hate him hate him.
Then we realized that he is looking like Mike Viola (including totally the same mouth!), and because of my undying fondness for Mike Viola, this buys a lot of goodwill. I was even almost thinking Thicke was a good idea (!??!?! for reals!) And, sadly, you know how I feel about Maroon 5 -- I mean, Songs About Jane, AKA my favorite person ever? Yes! PS We thought it would be truly wonderful if their second album was called Songs About Dollie. But it isn't. Jerks.
Of course that means that Blake will be fired tonight. Either way, this will be the most boring finale ever unless they recreate that moment when I thought McPhee was having a meltdown only she wasn't -- only this time someone does have a meltdown. Live TV! Where are the meltdowns? Besides mine right now, I mean?
Posted by: jane at May 16, 2007 12:56 PMI'm at a loss when it comes to Blake's outfits at this point. It's a given he looks like butt, and unless he comes out wearing one of Jordin's negligee/boob sling outfits, I may be past the point of caring.
He is still my nemesis, even though it would/will be hilarious to see who they dig up for his superstar duet, like John Mellencamp or Duncan Sheik or something.
I pray for a meltdown. I think Jordin has been progressively getting closer and closer to that point with each passing week. Can she shut up already during judging? I mean really.
Posted by: Kim at May 16, 2007 08:09 PM