Imagine all the peepwhore

I am so not enthused for this show, it's not even funny.

Ryan's bringing back that Miami Vice hotness with his choice in facial hair. Apparently Bono was the mentor this week, or so they tell us. That could just as well mean Chastity Bono, since we don't actually see any footage of anyone mentoring anything.

It's Christmas come early as IDOL GIVES BACK! I can only hope my check is in the mail. Tonight's theme is songs of inspiration. I pray this means someone will be inspired to get their poke on. That song will inspire the living shit out of you.

Let's ride along with Simon and Ryan on their boyfriends' African journey of love and hope for all mankind and also human beings. Man, remember when you could listen to Coldplay and not instantly be filled with nausea and hate for Coldplay? Ahh, "Trouble" sure takes me back. I love how Simon's expressions of disgust for the deplorable conditions in Africa are remarkably similar in tone to his expressions of disgust for the deplorable existence of Kevin Covais.

What the hell is the problem with this dude's blazer. If Chris could change the world, he'd sing a crappy Eric Clapton song. Oh, that's what he's doing now! Humanitarianism makes him wanna shake his ass. Put some Tang on it! This is so awful. Randy somehow determines that Chris is "in it to win it." Paula is proud of his journey. I'm seeing too much of Simon's chest hair to pay attention to what he's saying. "Sexy?" Simon says this was "sexy." Eew, I hate sexy. Sexy bad!

OK, here's a look at people who are devastated by poverty and violence in the U.S., because that's how I like to spend my Tuesday nights. I wish they opted for Sanjaya's version of "Waiting for the World to Change," personally. It would better express the pain and hopelessness and dark nightmare-filled nights of the soul and stuff.

Only the music of Faith Hill can express the hope for a better tomorrow! Somewhere, apparently, there's a better playthe for all of ush, in the glory of hith amaything graythe. The judges tell me this was good. I was too busy trying to find that picture of Faith Hill that got left out in the rain, but I'm sure Chris can remind me where it is!

Two performances, 20 minutes in. I CAN'T TAKE IT

Apparently, Blake feels we can start making the world a better place tonight, beginning with his performance of "Imagine." This makes me want to litter, disrespect my elders and push people under buses. This is, hmm, let's say it's excruciating. His enunciation is completely painfully retarded. How many stupid ways can he mispronounce "people"? Peepore? Peepole? Peepwhore? He looks like he has no teeth when he sings. He's GROSS. Randy feels he was not successful in taking the work of John Lennon to the "next level." Blake doesn't like getting criticism, eh? Yeah, just keep grimacing, yadouche.

LaKisha: I'm singing "I Believe" by Fantasia ...
Chris: OHHHHHHHH GOD.

Yeah, anyway, so how is a song about good shit happening to you and you only an inspirational song of hope to inspire the world? I ... I have no idea, but what a shock that this one could make that leap of logic. Oh yes, and once again suck it to a previous Idol winner. Nice frosty eyeshadow up to your hairline, there. If she doesn't get canned this week, I hope she attempts "Since U Been Gone" next week. That shit would be heelairious.

HATLESS. Garth Brooks is a force for change! Aww Nosferatu, you're a big cornball, but I don't hate you. I was distracted through most of this, trying to find the most appropriate Kevin Covais video to put up there, but I guess it was OK for people who are into that Josh Groban crap. I have nothing constructive or destructive to say about this dude anymore. I think he's become totally me-proof.

I love "faith in humanity" Simon. He's adorable.

Jordin makes a bold move to steal "You'll Never Walk Alone" from Jerry. I keep waiting for her to fall over in those heels. Uh ... this got really shrieky at the end, but everyone loves it and whatever. Oh yay for all of us in our good works and love for the people of this world and the magic of life and goodness.

THIS MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT CALL YOU MAY EVER MAKE, Ryan tells me. Uh ... I'm making the call to eat dinner and watch Sexy Victims Unit.

Won't you please help?

Posted by Kim at April 24, 2007 09:06 PM | The Sound of Breaking Glass