LaKisha's showing off too much boob! Sanjaya's hair looks delicious! THIS is American Idol!
OMG Micky Dolenz is in the house! WHY?!
My disgust for Tribute to Gloria Estefan night is second only to my disgust for Standards night. This is mitigated by my adoration for Jennifer Lopez, one of my favorite recording artists and thespians ever. That was not sarcastic.
What the world needs is another Oleta Adams! Her eyes have been swallowed up by her face. This is predictable and boring. Simon doesn't like it. Melinda seems excited by this somehow. NEXT
LaKisha serves us the side of her face, always. She's personable! "Conga," good Lord, no. OMG I want to take sexy dance lessons from Jennifer Lopez too. UGH I HATE THIS SONG. I'm disturbed by her crotch-fanning skirt motion while singing "let your body feel the heat." This is joyless and awful, but Randy somehow proclaims it fun. OMG Paula agrees with me. Paula's lipgloss is terrifying, by the way. Simon rags on the dancing. I love you, Simon Cowell!
"Smooth," oh YES. Seven inches (from the midday sun)! One night I got drunk enough to finally sing this during a gross-out karaoke night but I was so drunk I actually forgot how it went. I wish Jennifer Lopez taught him some sexy dancing, that would have been heelairious. I like that Members Only look! He brings out the prop musicians and punctuates "lovin'" with a frightening pelvic thrust. And everyone LOVES it! Ohhhhkay.
"Turn the Beat Around," oh what a shock. This isn't Van Halen week! Jennifer Lopez says this is the kind of song you have to throw at people. This is why she is a GENIUS. The formal shorts are back. And the lower lashes. She looks bloated. Those shoes look painful. Uh, that's all I got. Simon said he couldn't understand what she was singing. You know, because these lyrics are so meaningful.
Bahahahaha, "Maria Maria," oh my word, I am laughing so hard I miss the entire mentor segment. Shoes by--Carlos Santana! That is all I hear now, I'm sorry. No I'm not. Now that Phil's wearing hats, he needs to acquire better taste in them. I'm very difficult to please. Oh man, he got woo shrieky. At least he's trying too hard in the right way. He's acting so strange, I think he may be on PILLZ. It's been real, Phil.
The rhythm is gonna GETCHA! Ugh, I hate this song too. Yet somehow this is not horrible, because it's all like Michael Jackson Latin freestyle or something. Also she looks cute this week. OK, I take it back, this got boring real quick. Randy employs questionable usage of "on blast."
Oh goody, he chooses to butcher "Tell Me Baby Girl 'Cause I Need to Know, I Need to Know, I Need to Know." In front of Jennifer Lopez. That takes balls. Retarded balls. She looks pained just listening to him rehearse. I love you, Jennifer Lopez! Nice pit stains, dude. This is sludgy and horrible and disgusting. I feel like a kitten being drowned in a bag. Seriously, that's what listening to this is is like. FAIL.
"Bésame Mucho," oh tremendous. Jennifer Lopez likes it! This is a landmark meeting of musical minds. He's got chocolate milk on his face! Oh wait, that's his hot goatee. I'm hypnotized by his SENSUAL GAZE. Um, was this the best of the night? Between this and Captain Zazz Chris Richardson, ack, what kind of world are we living in.
Oh Lord. Welcome to the universe of Sanjaya. Now someone find me some lithium.
Posted by Kim at April 10, 2007 09:27 PM | The Sound of Breaking GlassKim - I knew you'd be loving this episode!!
Was Chris watching Hayley's shorts tonight? I bet he was.
I think Blake sucked the least tonight, but who decided Latin night was a good choice with these eight people anyway?
It's getting pretty obvious who the judges want gone , too. And what the hell is with Randy - I think LaKisha could take a poop in his Coke glass and he'd say he was the bomb or something.
Posted by: pieman at April 10, 2007 09:14 PMAfter he saw LaKisha's "grandma boobs" he kind of stopped looking at the TV.
Posted by: Kim at April 10, 2007 10:03 PM