Chris: "Who are all these ugly people?" Say word.
Ryan tells me I'm in control! I don't feel like it. By the way, his outfits have not been doing it for me lately. It's been all downhill since the T-neck.
Tonight Paula is dressed like she's teaching weaving courses on an Arizona commune.
This enchanted evening brings us the music of the British Invasion. Ohhhh crap. I should really turn the TV off now. I'm unstable enough as it is.
I love Lulu. Holy moly she looks fabulous. P.S., if I were a guy, I would have a difficult time taking vocal coaching from Peter Noone. I mean God bless him but ack.
"Tell Him," oh joy. This lady is no Billie Davis. Lulu was so awesome in coaching her, though. She should be a psychologist! PLEASE GOD NO SHORTS AND HEELS. Halter top, oh my goodness. Shake ya ass! Watch yourself! Seriously, watch yourself. I think this is longer than the actual song was to begin with. That performance was all about prayer, she says. Sometimes this show just renders me speechless.
The more I see this dude, the more I think he may be a little special. His outfit tonight is not helping. You have to see it to understand. "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying," oh sweet Jesus, I'm terrified. I love this song and it is going to suck, I know it. This CD101.9 arrangement is killing me to death. I mean that in a bad way. Don't you tell me to stop my crying! Why am I watching this. Why. Why.
She's going to do Dusty. Please don't kill Dusty again, please. I don't think my heart can take it. Also, please let this not be "Son of a Preacher Man," which I am tired of in all AI and karaoke contexts, even though I think you could do an OK job with it. "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me," oh gracious. The band is making it sound a little "Grease," hrmm. This went all over the place and oh. Not good. Simon says she's losing her SOUL! My my.
Tonight, his victims are the Zombies.
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OH DAMN, THIS SHIT JUST GOT PERSONAL. This man is on a mission to destroy me. I WONT LET YOU DO IT. I WON'T. GAAAAAAAAH oh it's so hard. Nice how they make me sit through a whole commercial break after making this revelation so my mind can conjure up all the horrible and brutal ways he is going to rape and murder whatever it is he's going to sing. "Time of the Season," oh fuck you. With beatboxing. And plaid golf pants. And a white V-neck T-shirt over a polo shirt. Why aren't I watching this on DVR so I can fast forward and pretend I'm not really seeing any of this. Actually I'm avoiding watching this quite well thanks, as I'm concentrating on my laptop screen the same way I focus on the window frame when a drunk pervert sits next to me on the bus. And don't get me started on the alleged "popping" or perhaps it was "locking." I think this may be the worst thing to happen to music, ever. People actually liked this? I'm going to draw a hot bath and scrounge up some razor blades. FOR HIM.
This lady has gigantic hands. Have you noticed? Lulu tried to get her to do "You're My World," but she's doing "Diamonds Are Forever" instead. YOU DON'T DENY LULU! Hahaha, this is kinda awesome though. But I can't forgive her for dissing Lulu. Two out of three judges are nonplussed. I bet they can't forgive her either!
"Tobacco Road," oh my. And hatless. His shirt looks like he used it to dust off a TV screen. Seriously, what does that shirt even mean? This was awfully screamy. And mostly awful. Would someone please get that brother a hat. And a shirt that doesn't look dirty.
DUELLING BASSEYS. Did Shirley Bassey sing a crappy song for a crappy animated movie? Jordin agrees Lulu is adorable and great. She's winning me over. "I Who Have Nothing," oh my word. She's ACTING! That was ... really great? This show has warped my mind.
The hair is BACK. Yet another tremendously curious outfit. Peter Noone steers him away from "Something Good" toward "You Really Got Me." Hey, this isn't Van Halen night! Peter Noone, you are a fascinating man for doing that. They keep showing a girl who is sobbing hysterically in the crowd. OK OK OK OK, get this, right, this is not as near as horrible as you might think. Or maybe the medication is kicking in. If anything it reminds me of 'NSYNC in concert, when they would play their own instruments during a muuuuuusical tooooooooour through the decades. Yeah, I saw it, what do you want to do about it.
I think Lulu and Gina should hang out. "Paint It, Black," hmm. I'm troubled. This is very Belinda Carlisle somehow. I cannot understand what Paula is saying. The judges somehow think this is horrible? I mean it wasn't like she went and took a giant dump on stage like someone we all know up there.
Oh Christ no, not another idiot murderizing the Zombies. I'm deeply psychologically troubled by this entire show. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. 'Why should I worry, why should I care?" WHAT OH MY GOD WHAT. You take out the first chorus so you could ... what ... how ... oh, no. "This song is really dark--he's talking about a girl who's not there!" he explains. I'm sorry, I have to go and ask God how much longer I can go on.
Not a good look tonight. "As Long as He Needs Me," aww. I need some pancakes for all this syrup. That damn girl in the audience is sobbing again! She simply feels too much. Oh, don't we all. At least I do, if this night is any indication.
Kim, Kim, Kim - you know Blake's not going anywhere. The peoples love him! He's always busting out something new and WACKY! I still have to say I don't hate him.
My wife commented on Chris #1's Mr. Rogers-type get-up. She said it looked like he was wearing his little sister's sweater. At least wear something that fits, man.
I think Stephanie's in big trouble for the kick off show. She's not bringing it, dawg.
When I shared your Phil as Nosferatu comment, my wife nearly spit soda across the room. He did nothing but speed his departure from the premises with this performance.
Sanjaya must have gone insane. He's thinking of ways to get kicked off now, but the peoples will be having none of that!
Posted by: pieman at March 21, 2007 10:32 AMtwo weeksin a row LaKisha has ignored the advice of the guest coaches. I'm really starting to take offense to her attitude!
Posted by: Tammy at March 22, 2007 01:15 PM