I don't like you tonight

AI07. Oh it's on bitches. I'm gonna need a lot of hot butter for all the corn that's popping on this TV.

Tonight Paula Abdul looks like a dwarf Ann-Margret ca. 1983.

Oh Rudy, Rudy no, Rudy Rudy no nooooo no. I can no longer get behind the Latino Gary Lewis action you are rocking. If I was really motivated I'd transcribe the performance because I'm fairly certain half the lyrics were not actual words and it would be hilarious. I mean it's "Free Ride," and it's not like the word "on" is difficult to pronounce. The name Jackie Rogers Jr. comes to mind. This is not going well.


What up smoove. Oh, nothing, I'm bored. I want to root for you but you bore me. What is the point of people tucking in one side of their shirttail but not the other, by the way? I hate that. I mean the button's always too high above the waistband and there's a gap and it's gross. Also I hate the YOU'RE NOT A BACKGROUND SINGER ANYMORE! theme this year. Over it.


Oh yes, some HAM to go with this corn. This dude hasn't done anything to me personally or anything, but I actively dislike him and don't know why he's here. P.S. "you" is not pronounced "yo" and "Nights in White Satin" is not a jig, and the human skintone should not be fluorescent pink-orange. When you make Ryan's fake tan look natural, there is something very wrong.


Yes? No. NO. Oh wow, he doesn't wear shoes, what a remarkable talking point, like Ace and his magic hats. His parents are cute. His singing is terrible. NEEDS IMPROVEMENT!


Hi! Um ... you seem nice. You sing Elliott songs, however not as well. But um ... you seem nice! Hi! I like you. I hope AI hooks you up with some Proactiv.


I kept thinking they must have been holding back this guy being awesome or something for all his BACKSTORY and his GETTING ANOTHER SHOT and blah blah but I never thought he was that good from what they showed and my mind has not been changed. I mean snore, my man. Wicked accent though.


Ugh. UGH. My Keane smokes this guy's Keane. My Keane makes actual people weep from the RAW EMOTION. This sucked and I'm outraged that the judges thought it was not just good but great? This was SO BAD. SO BAD. I can't get over how bad. Also this dude needs to quit pointing at me. SO BAD.


Ohhh wispy wispy wispy. I miss the chocolate milk moustache. The dude's hair is awesome though. Nice choker. That last part was sarcastic. Remember when Elliott sang this and it was awesome? This was not awesome.


If he makes it to the final, can he get teamed up with Flo and Eddie? I would love that. He's one of those people that I like to the total surprise of my own self but would likely make me hate him on a dime and he came close to that tonight. I'm tired of people mouthing off to Simon and in such an obviously previously rehearsed fashion. BORING.


Hey smoove. What's happening. This dude is OK. Too much pointing though. I don't like these strangers pointing at me. I DON'T KNOW YOU.


Lemon fresh. SASSY. The zest is phenomenal. I ... I have nothing else to say but damn, that was zesty. I mean that in the best possible way.


Clearly what the world needs is a bald Donovan Leitch. When they did that whole thing with the baby and all that on the audition show this was me at my TV: "OH SHUT UP." But the dude's a sailor. I can't hate on a sailor. Also he seems not annoying and his wife is cute and this started off so bad and then he got good so fair enough. He needs a hat like that other dude needs shoes though.

Ugh. Bleak. I miss Elliott. *sob*

Posted by Kim at February 21, 2007 02:04 AM | The Sound of Breaking Glass