I'd rather not comment on nonna them playas

I have realized that I need to be falling-over-ass drunk during the entire playoffs, because otherwise there is no way I will be able to make it. It is simply too much stress.

Vlade hugging Brad? Excuse me while I pass out.

Before we get into this, just keep in mind that I've had three pint-glass margaritas tonight. Anyway ...

So yeah, things have gotten too crazy up in these parts. I alluded to bad news back here. That was the day we found out that Christopher's job was being outsourced, meaning that as of Cinco de Mayo, neither of us will have any kind of regular employment. Which kind of sucks. Which really kind of sucks. But oh!!! It gets better!!!

Now, today, we've found out that contractors are going to be checking out all the apartments in our complex over the next couple of days, which we know means that management is going to force us out of our apartments. This has been brewing over the last month or so, but we didn't think that anything was going to happen now. We've already seen the new renter sheets that say that they're renting out this same floor plan for what ... $600/month more? $700/month? Something like that. Anyway, since we're now here on a month-to-month basis and no longer protected by a lease, they obviously want us out of here yesterday. So our rent is going up to, like, $2000/month, which wouldn't seem so awful if a) we weren't out of a regular paycheck and b) we weren't living underneath the al Qaeda day-care center, you know what I'm saying? BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, I swear the ceiling is made out of cardboard. Living in Upper West Side pre-War buildings done spoiled me and we might as well move back into my postage-stamp Manhattan co-op at these prices. But anyway, we're going to be pushed out of here in a couple of months, and neither of us has a real job to keep us here. Which is where things get EXCITING. No they don't.

Christopher has some prospects, and I've applied for like a zillion things and have yet to hear anything back from anyone, which is, like, offensive. I demand respect. My mother (who herself is a human resources professional) says that people are obviously intimidated by my 12 years of NYC professional experience, like they don't want to hire me because I'll make everyone look bad. Which I totally believe, but jeez, why can't I even get a word of acknowledgment back from anyone? The only thing I've ever gotten is a letter back from New Times saying that I was their runner-up for the position of movie reviewer. Movie reviewer!!! I have like two years' experience doing that tops, yet I only get respect from them. This, to me, is unfathomable. I've now applied for about five different jobs at Apple. I've got three resumes pending there for three open Featured Content Manager positions at the iTunes Music Store. Now someone explain to me how I could not possibly be qualified for those jobs. Please, I'd really like to know. Is it because I'd be so fantastic that I'd make everyone else look bad? I guess so, but come on, people, show some flipping guts already. This situation is beyond even me. I mean, really. For real. Come on. This is an abomination.

So now, we've got no employment on the horizon, and no home. WTF, people. I mean, us. You know us, right? This makes no sense. No flipping sense at ALL.

This means, we need to reevaluate our situation up in heres. And, possibly and quite possibly probably, we need to move ourselves up into wherever we will be appreciated.

These are the possibilities.

• Stay in the Bay Area - OK, maybe. Christopher has already been offered a contract position with the outsourcers who are taking over his job. He's also got a few things brewing in different neighborhoods. I've applied for a bunch of things, but have yet to hear anything back because I am too SKILLED and INTIMIDATING. Bite me. So we might just have to uproot ourselves into ... another temporary living position. And I might just have to have an ATTACK.
  
• Modesto - This is my husband's hometown. We'd be, like, millionaires up in that bitch, apparently. I'd rather not.
  
• Los Angeles - Christopher has a job possibility there, and I could beg a job back at MTV News and would be in a better position to play on with my screenwriting business. However, neither of us are fans of the place. Granted, he went to college in Riverside and I spent three days there on a "Sweet Valley High" shoot, but still, we're pretty good with our instincts. Also, the Lakers? F the Lakers.
  
• New York - Didn't I just leave? But everyone I love who isn't family is there. Yet dame, the place be all expensive. And I cannot fathom going back to my old job in NYC. I can't. I can't. But my girls are there. What's the rent like in Greenpoint these days? Are there any open apartments in your building? Holla.
  
• Chicago and/or Boston - Jesus. What.
  
• Mpls./St. Paul - My hometown, where everyone I love who is family lives, and quite possibly the most awesomest place on Earth. Granted I was fearful of going back there for a while, and I know my husband was avoiding looking there because there was a feeling that I'd want to avoid "going back" after my stint in NYC ... which was true for a while, but now, dame, that place rules, why wouldn't I want to move back? I'd love to spend more time with my family. I haven't lived there since, like, 1988. The only drawback is the X-treme weather. But there's great people and great food and great opportunities and great family and the State Fair and Radio K and karaoke at Grumpy's. Land sakes, why not?

Why not, that's the question right now. So yeah, it doesn't matter where you are, but if you have a decent housing market and some great jobs for a kickass data center operations manager and a psychotically top-flight writer/editor, then goodness gracious, holler at your girl.

Posted by Kim at April 20, 2004 11:57 PM | Boo! | Non-Moving Pictures