Don't rock and roll, don't rock and roll, don't rock and roll, no

Someone over on the W asked what I thought about American Idol and even though we had a taping mishap that prevented me from seeing Tuesday's show, I went ahead and gifted the universe with my genius, and then I realized I should have just saved it to put down here. So I'm putting it here anyway, you know, not like anyone will really notice or anything.

This dude deserved to get canned because he's a big grotesque ham who sucks. Canned ham. Aside from the fact that sweet sweet justice was served on Wednesday, the girls of America have their three non-threatening pretend if-not-borderline-gay boyfriends to choose from and fight for now, and then there's this big beefy dirty old man with rosacea? As if this WASN'T going to happen? The will of our great nation impresses me once again. U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A

She has been awful but she's sticking around because a) she's a hot piece of ass and b) the power of the Filipino vote cannot be DENIED. Give us a role model we can look up to already. Unfortunately, she continues to suck and everyone will give up on her soon enough. Even straight men are sure to turn on her when next she decides to butcher, say, the Coors Light remix of Tom T. Hall's "I Love" or some other song near and dear to their hearts. Poor thing. That doesn't mean I think she's any good, I'm just sticking up for my peoples, what up sister.

If you've been singing at weddings in the greater Oakland metropolitan area and haven't electrified anyone enough to make it to the big time yet, then honey I'm sorry. Also, your stepdaughter looks about as old as you are. Honey, I'm sorry.

Substitute "on cruise ships" for "at weddings" up there. I felt bad that she was in the bottom three last week, I don't know why.

He's strangely appealing but I fear he will turn pathologically psychotic Clay-style (thank yew, thank yew). Also, keep in mind I liked Leah, therefore my tastes have zero logic these days. I've gone completely retarded. But when he sings non-loungey songs, he kind of reminds me of when Bobby Darin went all counterculture folksinger and stopped wearing a toupée and was super-earnest and I loved that. I'm not saying he's the next Bobby Darin, oh God no. Can you imagine this guy in Too Late Blues? Hell Is for Heroes? Hahahahahaha! Now that's a travesty. I've spent way too much time thinking about this.

She was already on "America's Most Talented Kid," I think it's about time she give up. GIVE UP. She is appealing only to people who are hot for teenage gymnasts, i.e. perverts.

Another creepy teenage gymnast, but at least she's less dislikeable than Diana. I realize it is also because she is Filipina-American, what up sister, keep it real.

boring boring boring boring boring

I like him but that doesn't necessarily mean I care if he wins or not.

I had to go to the site to remember who the last female was on the show, imagine that.

Jon Peter Mellencamp, the ghastly horror who must be stopped. Good Lord. Look at this picture, even. Did someone expand his nostrils in Photoshop? Who on Earth would want this man singing to their children? NRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZT I AM TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR MIND NEEEEEEEERRRRRRRMMMMM

This was like the expanded remix edition of my W post, well all right. Gotta love those bonus beats. P.S., hopefully work will not be a horror tomorrow so I can spend it catching up around here. The children deserve it.

Posted by Kim at March 26, 2004 01:00 AM | The Sound of Breaking Glass